Monday, January 16, 2006

Search for meaning of life

What life means??
What we live for??
Anyone could answer it??

Bornt, grew up, went to school, worked, got married, had children, got sick, old and died...
Life cycle.. isn't it?
But I'm sure it's working in different ways from one person to another
Yesterday nite I couldn't sleep..
I'm kinda tired with my life..

Yes, I was bornt.. grew up.. currently studying.. working.. had got married.. had one son.. then?? I mean.. can't it be work in different way? Dunno.. sometimes I envy the freedom one of my friends.. He could move from one place to another.. one country to another.. together with his partner.. No permanent home.. All was rented. Wherever he went, he could find a job that suitable for him - he is a chef. He could have a long holiday - 6mths in Bangkok - with another 6 months of work in Swiss, his hometown. He could stay for 2-3 years in Hawaii to satisfy his dream of living in tropical country and managed to find a job there.. If my life like that.. I certainly would love it as well.. As if he doesn't have worry for tomorrow.. cos everywhere he goes, he could find a job and settle down, and enjoy the whole stay in new place.
Just wonder.. why can't I?? I mean.. I am a human too, same like him. The different is.. he has the ability to survive and let go.. He might not have his permanent house - unless his parents' house, but he always has a place to stay. He might not have his permanent job - but he always can find a job. And perhaps the most important is that his partner - his wife - always follows him wherever he goes - except for some holiday break.
If I looked at my life.. I have a husband and a son. A son... already someone there who needs a permanent place to stay and grow up.. I mean.. as a parent, I might worry that he won't get enough education - especially he's living in S'pore, where government strictly want their citizen to go to school, then my husband is a typical home person - his first time flying was to my hometown when he was 25 years old - and finding a job is not easy for him since he is more into having a stable job.. then he also has to take care his mom and sis - while my friend's mom and dad are a typical independent Swiss.
I don't know.. I just feel that my life is leading to a boring life cycle.. where I just follow whatever most people do.. Perhaps I just love so much of freedom in me.. that I wanted more in life.. but it was quite too late..
Before married, I was wanting to have my own family.. be a housewife, take care of my children and family. But I think it doesn't suit my independent horse type.
Perhaps if I could turn back time.. I shouldn't get married and have children too early.. until I am ready for it.. again.. it is too late.. and one more thing.. maybe I should get a right type of partner too.. hehehe... Well.. people is never satisfy with their life.. they always want more and more.. While others might envy with my current life, I envy of my friend's life..
So.. what life has to be then???
There is no right and wrong in life.. but how we think about it to make our lives more meaningful and happier.. *sighh.. i just hope i wouldn't choose the wrong path in the future.. who in life could understand what I feel?

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