My thought on sleepless night

I went to bed at 12 midnight. My body was all fatigued from a whole day work and dined outside. The monthly menstrual period added it all. “I will wake up at 7am and hopefully it will be a straight dreamless, non-disturbed seven-hour sleep as per required so that I will wake up fresh and energize for a whole day,” I said it to myself before closing down my both eyes and went into a dreamland.

Brrrr…… I was awoken by the cold air blown by the air conditioner plus the urgency to visit the toilet. “What time is it?” I asked myself. I peeked at my alarm clock and time shown was only at 2am. Yalama! I thought it was like 4 to 5am. But it wouldn’t be because my air conditioner would be automatically turned off at 3.30am and it was still running in full strength. I gained the full awareness from my sleep and it took me a while until I could fall asleep again.

Suddenly I was awoken again. This time, it was by the howling sound of the wind that penetrated through the toilet’s window. “Duk… Duk…” The wind blew so strong and it knocked against our bedroom’s windows.

The air conditioner was still on. What??? Not even 3.30am and I had woken up twice???  My curiosity led me to peek from the toilet’s window. I wore my glasses and saw those trees on the playground whirled around by the strong wind. It moved in the rhymes with the sound of music.

I went back on my bed. Suddenly the toilet’s door was forced open by the wind that seeped through the toilet’s window. I got scared ya! Seemed the wind was so powerful! I got up and closed the toilet’s window and door tightly before going back on my bed again.

This time, I drew myself closer to my hubby side and he hugged me safely. My mind was wandering for a while on the tragedy happened not long ago. Something happened to one of the neighbors in my block. That incident made me feeling insecure and unsafe even inside my own house. I was thinking what would happen if one day my hubby left me earlier than me. Who would hold me tightly and made me feeling safe and secure like what he was doing right now at that moment. What would my life be when he was no longer around?

Worry, fear, loneliness, it crept into my mind. Many ‘what if’ appeared at that moment. But instead of feeding those feeling and letting it overcame my brain; I chose to stop it right away. I directed myself to think into the present moment. “I am safe now. Secure. He is by my side, warm and breathing. I should treasure him while he is alive. Whatever comes next, it will be beyond my control. When it comes, I am sure I will be able to overcome that feeling. I will try and do my best to overcome it.”

I went back to my comfortable sleeping position and tried to catch some sleep again. The air conditioner had been turned off automatically. There was no longer sound coming out from the wind against my bedroom’s window. I heard only my breath and my hubby’s breath. I was grateful, thankful for his existence.

I know that nothing will last forever. One day, each of us will leave this world forever. But instead of worrying too much over something that hasn’t happened yet, I’d better focus my mind into the present moment to treasure and cherish the current existence. Many of us take everything surround us for granted and regret it later when we lose them. I just want to make sure that I am in the right path cherishing whatever exists surround me now so that I will never ever have to regret when I lose them in the future.

This time, I was able to sleep until my alarm clock rang at 7am. My mind was clear but my body was a bit tired for not having enough sleep. Perhaps I may need short power nap later on, which will energize my body and mind back from the tiredness. One more working day to go and it’s weekend again!

Time flies dear. Without we realize, it’s already mid-June now. Do what you want to do now while you can, before it’s too late. Even a simple word of ‘I love you’, or ‘I miss you’, say it to the person you intend it too before they’re gone. Give only love and forgiveness, to everyone, including those who ever wronged or betrayed you, or perhaps the one you ever wronged and betrayed.