Missing you...

Decades had passed. The memory was still clear on my head. You posted few things on my blog as I allowed you to access as a writer. I was having a grueling schedule towards the upcoming examination and yet you were always be there for me consoling my tiring heart and mind.

Words of wisdom by Renee Wood

Sometimes, I did not even realize when you put those words of wisdom to tell me how much you treasured me, to motivate me walking through my journey in life, and to motivate yourself when you felt tired about what you faced in your real life (work, love, and daily life).

Sometimes you posted song lyrics to express what you felt too, just like the lyrics below:

I can love you like no one can 

I can be your Superman (Superman) 

Just take my hand let's fly away 

I promise I'll be there everyday 

Just close your eyes let's start to fly 

I'm gonna love you until I die (till I die) 

Until the day of my death to my very last breath 

I'm gonna love you when no ones left 

Superman with S on my chest (Pic source: Google.com)

Come fly with me baby 

Yeah I'm the one 

With the S on my chest 

Forget about your ex 

He don't know what love is 

He just failed the test 

Plus he don't treat you right 

He keeps you crying all night 

See, he's like your kryptonite 

I came to give you their strength 

So you can leave him behind 

You can start all over 

Just press rewind 

Cause he don't understand that you're one of a kind 

So sweet, so sexy and just so fine 

I will fight to my death just to make you mine 

I will never neglect you 

Never have time to stress you 

And always respect you 

Girl you like a hidden treasure 

And I promise to love you 

From now until forever 

O para siempra mija 

te prometo te voy amar

hasta la muerte 

Wow!!! Simply melted my heart!!! :)

Love letter (Pic source: Love-Meter.net)

You were goods at words too, I had to admit, and I just enjoyed every things that you posted. Well, not only from those things you posted there, but also those letters that you used to send me, attached with few surprises with it. You had never failed to brighten up my days. Distance would never be a barrier for us, at all!!!

Happy family photo of yours... (Photo source: Google.com)

Time went by. It changed your entire life, and mine too. I was happy though because it was all changed for the good reasons only. Looking at your family's photo with two beautiful angels, all posed with big smiles on their faces, made me believe that you went through good days, life after me. And like my friend told me, "No one is irreplaceable." She was right. Life went on, be it with or without me. I wished you all the best, as always, and would always be. Your happiness was my happiness, forever...

P.S. The thought of writing just came up and I realized one thing, that somehow my brain chose to run out from the reality, especially when I was under stress. World of imagination was far more interesting than reality. Anyway, whatever arose, would vanish, and everything led to emptiness for everything in life. So, if we could not face the reality, why not kept living in imagination???

Silly moments

Part of me says (Pic source: Google.com)

I stopped my reading, put the bookmark in between the page I was currently reading and held my mobile. My thumb pressed into the Facebook apps.

"Silly and playful little girl," written with the photo of a young girl sat down beside her cute dog. "It's fine to be silly and playful at this age," mumbled me, and consequently my mind thought about my own self, "At least not at my age." I sighed and my mind started to wonder.

I only drank a little (Pic source: Google.com)

The empty beer bottles lie next to me. One, two, three, four, five!!! Oohhh.... five was down. One more to go. I dumped the phone right beside me and tried my best to sit straight, then slowly my two feet tried to find the pair of white hotel's sandals lying next to my bed. My head was spinning. Oh, finally my feet managed to enter to that pair of slipper. However, my brain wasn't quite sure if I had worn them correctly (left or right), couldn't care much anymore.

I got up slowly, opened the room's wooden door. Step by step my feet walked towards the fridge. It's located about 3-meter up front and 3-meter to the left. Even with both eyes closed, I could navigate how to reach that bloody fridge.

Drunk quote (Pic source: Google.com)

"Ahhhh, here you were!!!" claimed me. I opened the fridge's door and my hand caught the neck of that blue color bottle. "One six six four blanc, hahaha...," I was laughing. "I haven't got drunk yet. I still could recognise the brand of this bottle," mumbled me again.

I picked the bottle cap opener that stuck by magnet at the side of the fridge and "plakkk....." the should of the bottle cap being opened sounded clearly on my ears. I let the cap flung somewhere and anyhow put the opener on top of the kitchen table. With eyes closed, I again walked blindly towards the direction of my room.

Numb (Pic source: Google.com)

Gluk gluk gluk gluk.... aaahhhhh...... eeerrggghhh..... The sound of beer being drunk with big burping let the big gas out naturally from my mouth. "Hahaha..... who cares?? Who cares about me anymore???" my little mind was laughing inside, trying to do justice towards my own behavior.

It's been like this for the past one week, since the person whom I loved decided to let me go. "It's fine... it's alright... let him go... let him be happy.... this time, happily ever after.... hahahaha...."

Blacking out (Pic source: Google.com)

Gluk gluk gluk gluk gluk.... this time I drank it longer. The beer spilled from my lips. I brushed it dried using my shirt's right sleeve. Eeerrrgghhhhhhhh....... This time the burp sound got bigger. Hahahaha..... I could feel my self laughing louder... But despite that laughter, I could feel something hurt inside me... That little fragile heart was hurt inside... and those laughter laughed at my own self for being silly, to get drunk continuously in order to forget him... yeah, to forget him... it worked... even for just few hours... even only for a night.... at least I could forget about him..... And slowly I could feel the tears rushing down unto my both cheeks and I could imagine it had turned red and warm, before darkness and heaviness overcame my head. Another day passed by and I overcame it, overcame it....

P.S. I know many writers who could only write when they were drunk. The feeling was only my imagination and based on personal experience. Just had a mood to write about this. Doesn't mean I'm in a bad mood right now :)

Strange Weather in Tokyo by Hiromi Kawakami

The sun had burnt my skin only this afternoon when I shopped for my grocery. And now, as I noticed from my window, the rain was pouring incessantly with lightnings and thunders flashing blatantly from behind the groups of black clouds. Time shown from my Ikea-purchased five-dollar clock hung on my room was only 6.30 pm. I pulled the zip of my grey colour sweater up and increased the volume of my radio to refuse hearing the scary thunder's sound. My all-time favourite song - In the end by Linkin' Park - filled the room in full blast now!

Sitting on my bed, I sipped the chilled Bhutan whiskey - a gift from a special Bhutanese friend - using the Tiger Nest mug - another special gift given by another dear Bhutanese friend. It was no coincidence though. I just felt that the Bhutan whiskey tasted much more delicious when I had it using the Bhutan mug hehehe... 

I continued flipping the next page of my book - Strange Weather in Tokyo by Hiromi Kawakami. "It's more likely a strange weather in Singapore instead," mumbled me. 

Oh, book and whiskey??? How to read and drinking at the same time??? Hahaha... Blame it to the book, or the delicious dried cuttlefish that accompanied the book and the whiskey! Lol! Well, couldn't deny! Three of them was a perfect combination though :P

The Perfect Three - for a not sake but alcohol lover like me :P

"One night when she is drinking alone in a local bar, Tsukiko finds herself sitting next to her former high school teacher. Over the coming months they share food and drink sake, and as the seasons pass - from spring to cherry blossom to autumnal mushrooms - Tsukiko and her teacher come to develop a hesitant intimacy which tilts awkwardly and poignantly towards love."

So that's what were written at the back of the book. See? I told you. There were so many occasions of drinking sake written there, almost all the time. And as an alcohol-lover like me, who could resist? Could you? :P

I wasn't a sake lover though. Otherwise I would have drunk that instead of the Bhutan whiskey I was having.  And alas! The story... despite age differences, it never stopped people from falling in love from each other. It's just... in a different way. 

A once married man in his late sixties perhaps was so gentle and full of charisma, that's what I thought about him. The love that rose between them, was very different with the love that young people had in general.  It was so sweet, tender, and no rush at all. It's definitely a perfect reading book for this month - ya, in case you forgot, Valentine's Day's coming!!! No, it hadn't passed yet, it wasn't in January 14th :P This would be a beautiful gift of love if your loved one loved reading ;) *hint hint...

Oh my eyes were so heavy as I finally turned to the last page of the book one hour later. I had finished three mugs full of whiskey and I took a glance at the empty bottle beside it. Before I forgot, I turned the radio off and quickly sent a We Chat message to my Bhutanese friend to send me more when there was someone coming over here. 

After removing my contact lens and brushing my teeth, I walked half-flying towards my bed. I secured myself below the comfortable blanket and turned off the bedside light. Soon my world was dark, and only darkness accompanied me... peacefully... comfortably... Deep inside I wished that I didn't have to get up the next day... didn't have to get up...

"In loneliness I have drifted this long way, alone. 

My torn and shabby robe could not keep out the cold. 

And tonight the sky was so clear

it made my heart ache all the more." 

(Poem by Seihaku Irako - from Strange Weather in Tokyo)