Growing Old

"Change that no one can avoid."

"When working, I felt as strong as a bull. I could ignore the pain on my right elbow, as my hand kept moving up and down when getting the takeaway bowls, heavy plates and bowls from the top shelf or carrying trays loaded with stuffs; also the ache from both legs, as I had to stand up most days. But before and after slept, the pain started striking my whole body like a nightmare."

I continued confided to my hubby while chewing my fried rice, "The good things about having SLE though, was that, all those pains that I got, were completely temporary in existence. Meaning, once I got myself active, the pain would be gone."

"Dear, I think it was not because of you having SLE. But it was because we are getting old now," he replied calmly. 

As someone who used his physical strength a lot on his job, he understood the situation fully, as he too was experiencing the same. Not completely same though. His suffering was much much much more than mine. Every night he kept the pain himself. He used to stick the join pain patches on his body but getting fed up as it did not help much in easing his pain. 

Few years ago, I went to Hong Kong with mom, visiting my sister and holidaying together. Every night my Mom had to paste the patches on her legs, especially on her knees, as she felt pain after walking a lot throughout the days. Our room smelt spicy, really smelt of "old people smell". And that was too, one of the reasons why my hubby stopped pasting those stuffs into his body. 

Pic source: Google.com

Back to when I was entering secondary school, my Mom started her 40s, and that time, we already regarded her under category of 'mature adults, a.k.a. old people.' And now we had both reached that age!!!

I started feeling old when white hair started appearing on my head. It was visible when I looked myself into the mirror, around few months ago. It was not only 1 or 2, but more like 4 or 5 now??? It was irritating that I decided to pluck them off. But after few months, it appeared again. Haiz... I guess I would just have to accept the fact that I was getting old. 

But comparing myself with some others who were much younger than me, they grew older much earlier than me. Their white hair was not just few strands, but almost half of the head. Well, that might be due to genetic factor too.

I could not stand a day without afternoon nap either. Especially after lunch. A quick power nap would help me a lot during my working days. 

I realised that stress level, lifestyle, food intake, amount of exercise and sun exposure were playing big parts on our aging level process. And it differs from one person to another. 

Many times I felt of giving up my current job, because my body seemed could not catch up with it. Not about the speed, but the tiredness. Many nights, just hour before the shift ended, I felt the battery in my body was flat to almost 0. Haha.... 

No taking dinner was one of the causes, as we did not have time to get dinner during work. Over working was actually the main reason. The level of staffs employed have now reduced and it forced me to sometimes doing 2 roles at the same time, making me running here and there to ensure both sides were doing properly and in right order. 

But when work was over, I felt grateful that I was still having the ability and strength to work at this job. 

I remembered a conversation with hubby and sister-in-law talking about the doctors we attended to were majority young, mostly in their 30s. Hahaha.... In the past, when we consulted doctors, we considered majority of them as 'old'. So I guessed, the world had turned around. Lol!!!

Losing weight had become major problem with me too!!! Twenty years ago, I could easily lose 3-4 kg. Now, even after reducing snacks, sugary drinks and rice, or sometimes even skipping dinner, the one kilo that I managed to reduce, would easily bounce back and add another 2 kg in return after a dinner and drink event. Hahaha..... I did not know if I should be happy or sad, but I guessed I had to accept the change as part of growing old. 

"It is just getting old, not the end of life."

Perhaps I had spent two-third of my life and leave with another one-third. While I was still alive and kicking, I still had the urge to make my dreams coming true. Not to be successful, not to be rich, but to be happy with simple way of living, plus fulfilling my travelling dreams - backpacking - to countries I had in my head. 

It was just 40s, and not the end of the world yet. The more we should treasure the remaining of our life days, filling it with happiness and laughter despite misery changes with our physical body. 

My parents are in their 70s now. I could not imagine how they could maintain their physical body up to now. Really salute them in taking care their own wellbeing. 

Anyway, just keep moving forward, until the day I breath my last breathe. Fill mind with positivity, that everything is going to be alright. That everything will go accordingly, leaving nature to take its course. Let it be, let it be....