Yesterday I couldn't sleep. My mind kept thinking on what future holds? How my future will be? Not just me, but also other people. Dunno why, suddenly it appeared on my mind.. that this year is year 2007 and 10 years ago was when I stepped in Swiss for my first time. WOW!!! If I flip my photo album when I was studying there, it seems like it was just happened yesterday.. and not 10 years ago..
It also reminds me the time when I had dinner in Ayam Penyet w/ my sis. The seats behind my sis' seat were occupied by 10 Indo Chinese teenagers. It seems to me that they were all studying here.. perhaps in.. I dunno.. same level as senior high school??? The way they talk each other.. the way they interact.. wow.. I felt so old at that time.. I told my sis.. "I felt like.. I'm far from young now.. I can feel the gap very much!! Amazing!!!" When they talked.. it reminds me the way my classmate talked when we were in school.. which was about 8 -10 years ago.. I can feel that now I have transformed to different phases in life.. Gone are the days when I went anywhere wearing tshirt, jeans, back pack w/ sport shoes.. Now my bag isn't back pack anymore, but change to something else, such as lady's bag, or sling bag.. As for Jeans.. I'm still wearing jeans and tshirt, but kinda different.. Even I can feel the different between 'me' now and 'me' two years ago when I first time joined this company. I felt much younger when I first stepped in to this office. Many people thought I was only 21 or some even though I was still in teens... hahaha...
I was still wearing my back pack when I had a class on that day.. but now.. I've changed it to other type of bag. I just don't feel fit in the age the way I behaved previously. Perhaps I turned myself more mature?? But MOST PROBABLY, like my sis said.. the right thing that turned us to be this way.. is MORE PRESSURE..
When we were in school, we don't worry so much about money.. I mean.. it was our parents who were worrying about us.. And now.. after we graduate.. after we found our job.. everything has changed.. Slowly we stopped depending ourselves from them. As long as we can survive, then it depends on us on how we use our resources and they won't give us anymore.. They can now be free from the weight they had carried for years..
I was thinking last night.. what 10 years ahead will look like?? Will I still live in Singapore? Will I still be healthy? Will I have more lines on my face? How is my economic condition will be? How my parents will be? Will they still be healthy? Many many more questions in my head.. That's why I couldn't sleep..
Some people said.. they're happy go lucky.. live w/ no fear.. live w/ no worry.. live life to the fullest.. throw ur worry and always be happy.. Perhaps that's the optimist thinking of their.. I dunno why I was just so pessimist about lives yesterday.. I was even thinking that I won't be around in this world after 50s.. the most maybe 60s. Then.. if that's the case, don't you think that I've gone through half of my life??? So there is another half of my life left.. I'm sure time will fly very fast.. Just close my eyes now.. another 1o years will come.. Maybe at that time, when I checked this blog again.. *if blogspot still around.. hehehe.. I will start smiling.. and tell my self how true what I wrote here.. hehehe..
Haiyah... sometimes I wonder.. what have I achieved from half of my life here??? I know life can't be measured w/ money alone.. as I don't have much saving and no property at all.. So, if I wanna measure my achievement from money measurement alone, I definitely fail. I regard health as one of the measurement since a good health can't be bought by money. I strain myself from alcohol lately although sometimes I enjoyed it as it brought me away from reality... And I hold the willingness of smoking too 'cos somehow when I look myself in the mirror, I was thinking.. what u can see at the outside hopefully can be as beautiful inside.. which means.. if ur body is so wonderful.. nice shape, smooth skin, flawless, but if inside it ur lung was blackened.. or ur kidney was spoilt, etc... what is the use of it? Not long after, what u can see outside, can't be seen anymore. It will change ur outer layer entirely very fast..
Career's success? I definitely fail as well.. as I never position myself as an ambitious person. Good mother?? I will fail soonafter if I didn't do anything about it.. Perhaps by having family members are still another achievement.. hehe.. I mean.. I still have my parents.. my siblings and their family members.. 'cos again, money can't buy them to stay alive.. And friends! I try myself not to depend myself so much on them. It's not that I don't trust them, but I'm sure they have their own lives too.. I really enjoy to keep in touch w/ people that I've ever known before.. I just hope that they feel the same way too that they enjoy keeping in touch w/ me.. Sometimes when they are in need, hope that I can do something for them..
Hm.. I dunno if what I wrote is still related w/ the topic above.. but what I know was that.. life is too short to live. And perhaps.. always remind ourselves to always live in present time.. and not to worry so much about the future.. Otherwise, we will never enjoy every moment we have now.. Hm.. quite lots to say from my thought today.. Wanna wish all of u having a good day.. and treasure every moment u live..