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| :) |
That night, I felt a sense of peace and emptiness. Emptiness here, in a good way, in the sense that nothing held me down from whatever feelings and emotions that used to bother me a lot, sending me to the roller-coaster ride kind of mood, plus attachment filled with care, worry, and at the same time, love. It took time to get rid and brush off whatever bit that was left behind in the corner of my brain and heart.
As I turned pages of old notes, it brought me to the past for a while. But this time, I could laugh myself off, instead of feeling fury or disappointed. It was all the matter of the past. No longer break me down. No longer affect the present time.
I lie down freely on my bed. Freedom. Peace. And love, for myself and those who deserved it.
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| Bukan Siapa Siapa (Nobody) by Ajahn Brahm |
I picked the book from my bed side - Bukan Siapa Siapa (Nobody) - written by Ajahn Brahm, which I found it from book corner in Clarke Quay last month. It was in Indonesian language, perhaps fated for me to pick and read. I had just started reading it, so could not comment much. But let me share with you the review done by one of the readers posted in Goodreads:
"Ajahn Brahm gives a brilliantly cogent and captivating case for developing nibbida--repulsion-- toward all attachments, particularly the body, and the "I, me, and mine" that are at the root of all suffering. Be a "nobody", Ajahn Brahm extols. Who can be the biggest nobody? By being nobody, by not expecting from life what it cannot provide, you can release yourself from suffering. A truly counter-intuitive viewpoint from a culture that enhances the "I, me and mine", Brahm argues for monastic life, and to "extinguish the flame" of rebirth that continually perpetuates the inherent suffering in life. Yes, his case for monastic life presumes the function and reiteration of karma, but Brahm distills Buddha's insights to show that life is STILL suffering, and that suffering is increasing exponentially. The brilliance of Brahm's (the Buddha's) insight is the universal power that comes from simplicity. Brahm uses accessible arguments that belie the complex simplicity of Buddhist metaphysics and psychology. I'm not sure how deeply I will practice the art of disappearing, but it has provided me with unforgettable alternatives for the suffering which is at the heart of existence. If I do not disappear, I have nonetheless gained powerful tools to lessen the grasp of the id and ego, which promise satisfaction, but produce only pain."
"I, me, and mine" - represented ego, the root of all suffering. If it happened to others, 'I' would not feel the pain. But when it happened to 'me', it hurt like hell. And as long as what was lost or broken was not 'mine', I would not feel the pinch either. That was the easiest way to tell you what attachment was.
But theory was always easier to understand. When things really happened to ourselves, it was really difficult to overcome. And it took time for us to accept the reality, to adjust our mindset, and to relieve the pain. It was fine to be absorbed by sadness, but do not let it hold too long. Many pain in our heart created disease to our physical body without we realized.
Living and focusing at the present moment. Be aware and mindful of our own feeling. And aim towards something better. Remember, you are not the only one experiencing all the pain. Everyone else does too. Let us heal as time goes by. Time is the best medicine to forgive and forget. Grow wiser, be a better human being. Live, love, and laugh, make others happy in any way that you can. Let go the past. Let bygones be bygones.
