Tuesday, July 26, 2005

What Will U Do?

What will you do
When you feel blue
I have no clue
What should I do
When I was blue

Friday, July 08, 2005


Have u ever thought of running away from problem, dilemma, reality until you don't have anywhere to go? You feel like just gone from this world and so do your worries, troubles, and sadness? I bet everyone does.
Sometimes we think of suicide in many ways... But suicide is not advisable at all!

I've heard that after you died from suicide, you will straightly go to the hell... You were being punished as you did not treasure your life, and during ur life there in hell, you will suicide over and over again and have no control in stopping it..

Have you watched Constantine?? Maybe that's what I refer to.

Yesterday my colleague told me that there was a 16 year old boy died jumping from the high floor (suicide, of course) just because his 17 year old girl rejected his love.

Can you imagine??? 16 year old boy had thought of suiciding!!

Did he ever think what his parents feel? Raising him for 16 years and end up with this pain reality??

Well, i thought of dying too. In fact, I thought about it yesterday night. I was thinking what way will be good to die fast, but slowly and not pain. I thought of becoming alcoholic to ruin myself but then, I thought of kidney disease that need to wash the blood every time and can only drink limited amount of water everyday. Watching that on TV made me thinking of another way, which is smoking.

Well, smoking can cause lung cancer and it will make me die faster, but I don't like the smell after smoke in the mouth.. heuhehehe.. *so hard leh..

What else ah??

Cutting the nerve?? Nope.. It's suicide and it's pain too!! Once the blood come out, your brain would start losing lots of blood, then you would start feeling very pain!! Oh Gosh!!!

I think, I'd better stay alive. No matter how hard and pain life is, it won't be as painful as you get a disease resulting from excessive alcohol and cigarette. It won't be as painful as you lose your blood, and it won't be as painful as your brain smashed to the floor.

I think, it's still better to live and let live! yah.. C'est la vie! It's up and down.. There were moments when we were down. But only if we feel down then we can feel up again!!

Instead of thinking how to make my self down-er and become the down-est.. why don't I think about make this life the full-est as I can? Easy to say but not easy to do. But again, remember all the results above by hurting your physical with the hope of dying, is it worth??

There was a boy with no legs try to run his own wheelchair and move himself from wheelchair to normal chair. A man, seeing him in that condition, faster went toward him and wanted to help him. You guess what a boy said? "Thank you, Sir! I can do it myself. Although i have no legs to walk, but I still have two hands to support my self through my life."

Most of the time in our lives, we look more on what we don't have and not what we have!

The spirit of life lies in our hands. Easy to say. Live life to the fullest. Try to do it from now on! We, who have a complete parts of our body should not lose from the small boy! What are our problems compare to the others? There are more people who suffered much more than us!

Well, I feel a bit like a priest here, but nope., I'm not a priest. I'm just a human who is feeling down and try to make myself up, and hopefully can make others to think differently and can wake them up from their suffering and injuries too!!!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

What a day!!! Sucks!!

Life sucks man!!!
Today, i really2 had a bad dayz...
Have u ever laughed loudly but actually crying inside??? That's what I had today...
Can't share the story with anybody else.
Tomorrow im going to have drink with my friends.. hope by drinking I can feel much better... Since they dont drink alcohol, let me drink lahhh... =P
Another sucks thing.. I accidentally deleted 'important and unback up' files from my folder.. huaaaaaaaaaaaaa............. I've checked with IT and she said she could retrieve the last week files.. For me, as long as I can get it back, it doesnt matter how old is it.. but not all gone mannnn!!! What a day!!!!
And yesterday, my only entertainment during the day was blocked cos of unreasonable reason.. And now.. I cant access the web that I used to go.. during office hours.
HIks.. hiks.. hiks... Life sucks!!!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Very Very Very Tired

OMG...very very very tired today..already 3.15PM now..been working like crazy...and still havent finish all my work..sobb
just stressed out and tired of seeing all the numbers and papers around me...
guess im going to starbuck after this...need fresh air...i didnt even go out to buy lunch..only asked my friend to buy lunch for me, ate a quick lunch, straight back to work again..geezz

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Hi there

Waa..first time i post in reyka's blog =D
hmm..actually she's invited me and add me to her blog since last week, but like usual, im just too lazy to write down what im feeling and im thinking =D maybe its just the habit? reyka used to write down in her diary whatever she felt or thinking or happened...too bad she doesnt do that anymore, otherwise it'll be very exciting to read her diary again like used to, right? =D
anyway, today something just came up on my mind...and might as well write it down here once in a while, who knows some1 really care enough to answer or give opinion? =D
the topic is the oldest topic in the world..love..*yeah yeah yeah..why always love..so typical, but hey..every1 in the world for sure love someone...even priest love Jesus...so lets ponder another time, what love has make for us..
when we're in love, we always think with our heart, not our brain..and ppl will tell us that we're stupid..that why should we bother..that we are more valuable, and no need to throw our life away only because 1 person...that no matter how much we love the person, but theres no such thing that more valuable than ourselves..and its true..its all true..but...
is it really that wrong if we think with our heart? cant we just dream about something, even though its very hard to get, but still, since we have it in our heart, thats the one thing that keep us happy and look forward for tomorrow...living without dream...is it living?
another might say..if we keep telling ourselves like that..that means we're living in a dream world..not in reality...living in a dream world..is it worthed?
so let me ask this...
maybe theyre right..maybe that we really are valuable and we can have someone that really appreciate us and can do more for us..but thats a whole other maybe...another different story, in the tomorrow, or day after tomorrow, or next week, next months..next years...
the question now...
are you really going to throw away something beautiful that you have in your life right now, and you know that its very difficult to get and to keep? Or you throw that because someone maybe, or will be, there for us that is better than the one that you have right now?
can any1 give opinion about this?
coz every logical thing that comes in my mind, saying that i should abandon that person..
but every corner of my heart saying that my life wont complete if i leave..
every logical thing that comes in my mind saying that my heart will heal with time
but every corner of my heart saying that doesnt matter how much pain i endure, its all still worthed...
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