Saturday, March 28, 2020

The night before you left

Treasure what you have before it is gone

It is half an hour past two in the morning. My eyes are still wide opened. My mind is still active thinking.

Today, I mean yesterday, I was overwhelmed with so many things. About life, life cycle. You know, born, getting old, sick, and die. Those four are part of human's life (if you are lucky enough to grow old before die though).

Before this, I actually tried to do meditation before sleeping. But instead, I was talking to myself and went into deep contemplation, of all the things happening in my life. Confessions too, of what I actually felt.

And before the attempt of doing meditation, I continued watching the Chinese movie that I watched halfway in the afternoon as I was not sleepy yet. It was made based on true story. The title was "Only Yun Knows." (I watch a movie a day lately as I have to stay at home more during Covid time, and every time I just anyhow pick any movie that is available on the website without any idea what the movie story is about).

It is a nice but sad movie about fate and love, sickness and death, hope and dreams that happened in foreign land. Somehow, the main character lady was suffering from cancer. She did operation to remove the tumor, slept for 8 days after the operation - effect of anesthesia, and never got up again. I had a mixture feeling. A sign? Coincidental story?

I just could not sleep. I had feeling that something was going to happen but I tried brushing my feeling off. And whole day, I was not feeling well too actually. That was why I felt a bit emotional about everything.

Tashi and I - Lake Toba, Indonesia (Feb 2019)

In my contemplation, I realized that what seemed real, it was more like a series of illusion now. Especially the things that had happened in the past. All the happiness feeling and wonderful things that happened were just memories today. And what felt so real last time, it felt only like a dream now. We could not keep it the same for the current and present time. As time went by, things changed, people changed. Many things happened. No matter how beautiful the story was, it soon had turned into the past. You could never keep it the same.

And also, no matter how bad the things happened in the past, time could and would heal the pain. You would not as angry as before, or disappointed, or anything else. Slowly, you would forgive. Because despite all the wrongdoing, there were still plenty of good things that happened beforehand and worth forgiveness.

I always remind myself that nothing is permanent. Every thing in this world is all impermanent. So, take it easy. Do not take it too hard. Because nothing will ever last. Not a thing, not people, not happiness, not health, it is nothing will last, really!!!

I was talking with myself too, as if I was talking with my friend, who was currently battling her life over her sickness. She was sleeping unconsciously, but I believed that she could see and hear what was going on around her. I just had a feeling that her time to go was there, but not knowing when. I talked to her as if she could listen to me, about everything I wanted her to know and listen. I wished her to be away from the pain and suffering, and to know what was going on inside her body. No one was able to say it directly to her and we all deceived ourselves hoping for miracle to come and save her. But it never came.

I turned my phone on again to check if there was any news before going to bed. No news was always good news. I turned it off and slept.

Rest well my friend.... See you again next time...

This morning I woke up very late. And when I turned my phone on again, I received messages, missed call. They said she had gone peacefully in her sleep, 4 am Bhutan time. I could only cry despite knowing that this day would come sooner or later. I could only pray for her, to be born in better world, have fate with Buddha Dhamma Sangha. Hope you can be happier out there... Rest in peace Tashi... Hope to see you again next time...

Thursday, March 26, 2020

Intoxicated aka drunk

Cheers.... (Pic source:

Are you a drinker? Have you ever get drunk or intoxicated before? If yes, how often? And why???

Suddenly I just want to write on this topic. I learned how to drink since I was in teenager's time. Perhaps when I was 12 years old. I mixed Sprite with beer in the beginning so that it tasted good and did not contain too much alcohol.

When I went to college, the friends and environment made it conducive for me to drink more alcohol. However, it was limited only during weekends, that too only for a glass of beer mostly (as I had limited money to spend as student).

Which one are you? (Pic source:

However, when I started a relationship, you know, when I was disappointed or angry with my bf over something, once or twice I would act stupidly by e.g. drinking 3/4 bottle of wine by myself, or pouring a full glass of Malibu or Vodka neat, with the hope of after finishing it all, I would get intoxicated and forget about the problem I faced.

Life after college, I still drink within limit. However, as I remembered, there were many occasions I drank till I dropped, meaning, to the extent that I could not go home alone without any assistance, toilet bowl was my companion for the night, sometimes people had to drag me along as I attached too much to the ground, etc.

There is a limit on how much my body can take. And I realized some things from the experiences (after the recent intoxicated moments and looking back at many intoxicated times):

Drunk quote (Pic source:

1. Do not drink on empty stomach. When you do, the alcohol effect runs faster. Therefore, food must be there to accompany the drink (that is why Bhutanese needs 'changpa' or food for drinking, which is a good because usually the drinking session starts first before the dinner).

2. People say, do not mix the drink. Meaning, you do not drink beer, wine, and spirit altogether at one session. Try to stick to one type. So far, I have no problem with it. I can have different types at one time as long it is within the limit of what my body can take. So, bring it on.

3. "All you can drink" session is dangerous!!! It is when I most likely get drunk. Be it at pub, disco, friend's house, company event e.g. Dinner and Dance, wedding party, hahaha... I will usually make sure someone will be there to reach me from MRT station, or friend to accompany my journey back home, or to the taxi, Grab, whatsoever. In any case, someone must be there.

Or perhaps, Whiskey did (Pic source:

4. Drinking makes me feeling 'emo'. Calling or messaging bf or ex-Bf just to tell them 'I love you' is not something I am proud of doing. I regret many times after I get sober the next day.

5. When drinking, I do not usually feel anything. My stomach seems to be able to absorb anything like nothing. However, the kick will only start when I get up and go to toilet (after so many rounds, going toilet is unavoidable). That is when my head starts spinning and I start getting blur. That is when I have to embrace myself, control my actions (speech and mind) the best I can. Usually by this time, it is time to go home.

6. Luckily I have good companies. Good friends are there to ensure I can reach home safely. Some will even accompany to home, or my station, before they themselves are heading home. I always feel thankful for all of them.

7. When dinner was served after the drink (usually when I was invited by Bhutanese friends), I could not remember what I was having. But I always remember to take photo before having it (as I want to collect the memories with people who invited me and were there with me during dinner). So the next day, when I browsed the photos back, only then I tried to remember again what I was having. Lol...

True, indeed (Pic source:

8. Sometimes I lost thing on my way home. I lost EZ link card before (most probably dropped it from my bag) and luckily so far no wallet and mobile missing!!!

9. The next day I usually woke up very early in the morning because after vomiting at night, my stomach became empty and I felt very hungry!!! Then heavy breakfast was a must!!! (I think I could even eat an elephant!!! :P)

10. And while eating, my mind would wonder how I managed to go back home. Many times I could not remember the full process. Just pieces and bits.

Cheese... you are on camera!!! (Pic source:

11. Sometimes I found pictures that I did not remember taking as well. Only after asking my friend, they then would explain why I took the pictures. Hahaha... luckily no naked pictures taken lol....

12. Bruises that you did not remember how you got it after waking up :P

Well for me drinking is kind of entertainment, as well as for socializing. It is no longer to intoxicate myself, or to forget problems (cos problems will always be there whether I am drinking or not), or to make myself suffer (as to hurt my own organ - liver - and to die faster). Not anymore. No way.

It is really purely for socializing reasons. Sometimes I enjoy the feeling when I am high, but it is not necessary to become drunk and collapse. Most of the time I will stop when I reach my limit, although sometimes I miss that breaking point accidentally.

Drinking is supposed to be enjoyable, not hurting or making your self suffering or regretting it later. Drinking session is also better when you have a great accompany or accompanies.

Bruise I did not remember how I got it :P

Try not to drink alone, as it will only reflect a loneliness and feeling depressed. Try not to store beer in home's fridge too unless you prepare it for drinking session with friends. It will be giving too much attraction to see the chilled beer sitting on the chiller like that. And will only make you addictive to it.

As we all know, alcohol is not good for our body. No matter how much alcohol you drink, it cannot kill the virus inside it (not Corona virus either). Drinking moderately and occasionally are still preferable. Best is no drinking at all though. At least when bar is requested to close for sometime due to the prevention of Covid spreading, you do not have to feel sad, disappointed or dispirited by the news. You do not need to join the super long queue at NTUC to stock up beer as well. Hahaha...

So, drink responsibly and within limits are still my aim when drinking. And I hope I do not have to trouble anyone anymore in the future due to over drinking :)

Friday, March 13, 2020

Life's greatest wealth is healthiness (Both physical and mental)

Edible Corona virus themed easter egg made by French Pastry Chef (Pic source:

Two days ago WHO Director-General made the assessment that COVID-19 could be characterized as a pandemic. Pandemic is (of a disease) prevalent over a whole country or the world. The virus outbreak has spread to date to 127 countries, affected over 134,000 people with almost 5,000 death cases (approx. 3.7% death cases). The death victims were mostly elderly and many had already had pre-existing conditions, such as: high blood pressure, heart disease, lung infection, diabetes, etc.

Yesterday our Singapore Prime Minister, Mr. Lee Hsien Loong, appeared on TV to brief us the update of the situation. He mentioned that Singapore is facing a serious situation and expecting for the spike number of COVID-19 cases. The situation is expected to continue for some time - a year, or maybe longer. However, the situation remains under control and Singapore will not raise the Disease Outbreak Response System Condition (DORSCON) level to Red (currently Orange).

"We are not locking down our city like the Chinese, South Koreans or Italians have done. What we are doing now is to plan ahead for some of the more stringent measures, try them out and prepare Singaporeans for when we actually need to implement them." 

And in today's news, Singapore has widen the travel restrictions to block entry from Italy, France, Spain, and Germany since there are currently many imported cases from people who traveled from these areas (in addition of previous travel restrictions from mainland China, Iran, northern Italy, and Republic of Korea). The imported cases came not only from Europe, but also from our neighborhood country, such as: Indonesia (but so far, not travel block from Indonesia yet).

Covid-19 figure update as on 13 Mar 2020 (Source:

4 days ago I was still considering to continue with my long awaited travel plan to visit my friends in UK and France (to fly this April). I had to let it go this time after receiving message from my mom. Both she and my father were worried about my health if I insisted of going.

That time, the situation was not as bad as it is now. Yet, I respected their request as I knew that they loved and cared about my well being. I immediately informed my friends about the trip cancellation. My parents were even willing to bear the ticket money that I had paid, in case the airline was not able to give a refund.

However, on the same day, the airlines had come out with new policy regarding the re-booking and/ or travel cancellation. I made a phone call the day after and they told me that I could cancel my trip and to apply for the travel voucher (the amount paid for my ticket fare only - not included the luggage that was paid separately) that is valid for one year to any destination using the same airlines and their partners. At least I did not have to worry to lose my hard earned money to the drain - besides keeping myself safe, I still can go there to visit my friends and perhaps to visit my old school (or even join the school reunion that has also been postponed due to the Covid-19 - supposed to be held on May this year).

It seems like every country is unsafe to travel to for now, cannot even to think to go back to my hometown (Indonesia). And as our PM mentioned earlier, that this may continue for some time. Knowing my own health situation, it is better not to risk myself to travel around, even within Singapore itself, although it was mentioned though, that the majority of COVID-19 patients, "80 per cent of them", only experienced mild symptoms. But with SLE inside me, I really could not risk my health and being 'gei kiang' (Singlish means act smart).

Moreover, I had traveled to so many places for the past two years. Seemed like the Universe knew that this thing would come. Therefore, I was given the opportunity to have the travel marathon earlier. And so far, I only had this trip planned for year 2020 whereby in the past years I would have already had so many travel plans on hand. The more reason I have to feel grateful for all that happened to me.

Books borrowed recently from Singapore National Library (Pic source: Instagram rimareyka.writes)

Singapore is still fighting with the upcoming cases. School holiday is coming soon (16-20 March 2020) and I have told myself not to go out to crowded places much. To spend my time wisely at home, I have come out with plan with the aim of having good immune system for my body and good mental health so that I will not easily get contracted with the virus.

The plans are:
1. To wake up early every morning (as early as 5.30am)
2. To meditate twice a day (before sleeping and after waking up)
3. To read (self-improvement book in the morning and other book during other times - including before sleeping)
4. To write journal (especially after reading the self-improvement book)
5. To share my thought in this blog (hopefully more posts coming up)
6. To eat more nutritious food (home cooked food especially - more vegetable and fruits)
7. To drink honey once a day
8. To cook and have dessert that will help in keeping the body healthy e.g. green bean soup, apple/pear soup, bird nest occasionally, etc.
9. To reach 10,000 steps daily (it forces me to move my body up - which I can do it even inside the house) - at same time getting points that can be redeemed with supermarket voucher :D
10. To lift my both legs up before sleeping for 20 minutes (while reading) - the article said it gives a lot of benefits to the circulatory system plus improves the digestive system and quality of sleep.
11. To communicate with my family members and friends more often as life is truly unpredictable and we do not know when we can meet them again
12. To spend the money wisely (as economic faces down turn and jobs become uncertain)
13. To avoid crowded place (nearby area is fine as long precautionary measure is taken) but resistant towards good sale, offer, and promotion are appreciated :P

14 Pedoman Hidup Manusia or 14 Guidance of Human Life - (Pic source:

Hopefully I can truly spend my time wisely today onward. You may say I am becoming 'kiasi' (scared to die), but it is not the case. I just want to treasure the health that I have right now. As you can see from the point no. 8 above, "Life's greatest wealth is healthiness." And from the recent Covid-19 outbreak, many people have realized the importance of the health very much. As no matter how rich you are materially, without good health, you will never be able to live life happily and enjoy it to the fullest. So, keep our mind positive in current situation and focus on the good and positive things always. Jia you everyone!!! You can do it!!! :)
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