Happiness is the Path

This too shall pass! Cheer up and have a wonderful life! :)

As from my previous post here, you would have been aware that now I am in midst of my new job. It's been two weeks now. To be honest, I'm having a very hard time dealing with it. During my first 10 days, I was trained by the current staff who is leaving soon (exactly one week from today). I had to learn two accounting systems that I'd never used before, and handle three different companies' payable. 

After resting for half a year, I needed to adjust my brain back to the working conditions. I even had a difficult time to memorize the passwords for my office login Windows and few others for different systems and applications, especially nowadays when they required the password to consist of big capital letter, small capital letter, number and sign in between, etc.

Everyday time seemed like never enough for me to revise so much things within a very short time. I was afraid I could not cope with the work. Each time I felt like crying, as I felt useless and brainless. I even thought of handing the resignation letter within my first few working days :D  

Everything has a beauty quote, but not everyone sees it - Confusius

And within a week's time working at the new office, I had already made few silly mistakes due to too much stress!!! :D

For instance, my Boss suddenly appeared and came to us, telling us to go for lunch together. Both my new colleague and I was looking at each other. Inside my heart, I was like, "Hah? Why she was suddenly asking me (and not towards my new colleague) to have lunch together? Maybe she wanted to know how well I coped so far??"

And I only knew the reason why, when we were seated with our food on the table. She was suddenly asking me, "Why? You were so stress in the office ya?" in front of the Finance Director and one Assistant Manager.

I was surprised! How came she knew? Could she read my mind? But I tried to reply her in humorous way by saying, "Ha? How come you know? Is my face here written 'STRESS' word?" My hand was even pointing circularly on my face while saying it.

She then said, "You messaged me ma, asking for lunch together and de-stress."

Suddenly a bell rang on my head! OMG!!! I think I had sent the wrong message!!! Lol!!! Instead of messaging my new colleague (through the company's messenger's system) to go for lunch together and de-stress, I messaged her! Hahahaha.... :P

Everyone in the table was laughing out loud and my face was so red and hot like tomato, feeling so embarrassed yaaa! Lol!!! (That incident taught me a lesson though, not to type any private message through the office's messenger system!!! :D)

Nature is the medicine for the weary heart and mind quote - Rima Reyka

I confessed to my new colleague and loved ones about what I felt. They never stopped encouraging me and telling me the reasons why I felt that way. They said, first, I was new and completely new with the job that I was handling. Definitely I wasn't familiar with how things worked, compared with the staff who had been working there for months or even years.

Second, perhaps I put too much pressure and expectation within myself. Like as new staff, I was being too sincere and eagerly to do my best. So when I couldn't reach that point, I felt like breaking down and useless.

Third, I was afraid too that once the current staff was leaving, I had no one to turn to whenever problem arouse. Unlike the other new colleague, at least the person whom she learned from, would still be working there and she herself had so much working experience in this area and used the same system before.

Everyone whom I confessed with was trying their best to lift my spirit up, encourage me, and ease my heart saying that people, including my Boss. would understand my situation and they would not expect too much from me. They kept telling me to relax, don't worry, and take thing easily. I had no choice but to persevere, go on, and listen to their advice fully.

Happiness is the path - Buddha's quote

Everyday I listened to Buddhist chant on my way to and from work. I meditated before sleeping to bring myself in peace and calm. I wrote my feelings into my journal and lots of time I wrote in positive way to motivate myself.

I looked at the beautiful sunrise on my way to work from my bus's window and the shining sun on my way back home, with a clear blue and white sky in front of me.

I went for cycling, let the rain washed away my mind's weariness, sang along many of my favorite songs, and reminded myself to live at present moment.

At the same time I tried to get more familiar with the work by bringing the company's laptop home. Btw, it was my first time bringing work home, even spent my whole weekend revising and tidying up my notes!!!

Wise words from my getting wiser brother :) Kadinche-la! 

Well, no one says the journey will be easy, but I think it will worth the pain. With so much job restructuring and retrenchment happening nowadays in Singapore due to the slow economic situation, I have to say that I am very lucky having one right now. I am so much grateful too to the person who taught me everything she knew (although sometimes she did half-heartedly). At least, someone was there to teach and guide me.

I am very grateful too with the new colleague, who has always been encouraging me to keep going, motivating me, reminding me to keep positive about my job, etc. She is helpful too and generous with her knowledge. She is hoping that I'd go through this journey together through ups and downs. Without her, I must have handed my resignation letter within a week of my working life there.

Thank you everyone for your prayers, support, motivation, and encouragement. I can only say I am surviving now as I am still walking on that journey, and "persevere" is the only word that can describe what I feel now. I won't deny the low feeling that I am encountering right now. Sometimes,I didn't even realize that I think negatively towards my situation. Without all your help, I won't be walking still. Thank you SB and everyone for everything! Thank you, thank you, and thank you! Just hope this too shall pass soon! Wish me luck and wish you all have a wonderful life!!! :)