人生短短几十年 – Life is short. Live your life to the fullest

My Mom messaged me two days ago. She was asking me how my health was. Had I gone for my regular check-up? She was recommended me to drink some herbal thing from US, which was said able to make me fully recover from SLE.

I told her I was doing great. My doctor’s appointment was still in months’ time. Nothing to worry so far and I asked her not to buy me that thing since I believed that there was no cure for this disease. It could only be suppressed. That’s all!

After that, suddenly she told me about my Aunt’s niece.

Five years ago she was detected of having Lupus. Not sure what she had, she believed that she had recovered from it and led her to go through a normal life. She is 22 years old now, got married and was 5-month pregnant.

Suddenly, thing happened to her. It attacked her blood vessel in her brain and also attacked her liver.

When my Mom messaged me, she was hospitalized and in coma. The doctor was trying to save her by injecting the stronger medicine, with a consequence that her baby might be gone.

I was taken aback with the news. What was supposed to be good news had in turn changed to sad one. That’s why whenever people asked me, when I would give birth to another baby since I was still so young, I simply told them, “Perhaps in my next life…” I didn’t want to risk another life being just because of my own desire. I was not afraid of me having complications while pregnant, but I didn’t have confidence that I wouldn’t risk another’s being life inside me.

Yesterday night, I told my hubby on how exciting I was with my upcoming trip. I was working on the itinerary on where to go, whom to meet, etc. At first, he was reluctant to let me go that long (3-week holiday). Usually I would only take 2 weeks the longest. More over I would stay with someone who I knew not long time ago.

But I convinced him, “人生短短几十年，不要给自己留下了什么遗憾，想笑就笑，想哭就哭，该爱的时候就去 爱，无谓压抑自己, which means - Life is short. Make sure we live a life with no regret. Want to laugh, laugh heartily. Want to cry, cry your heart out. When it’s time to love, love the person fully. Don’t stress yourself.”

Then I mentioned to him the case above. Since I had SLE, I would never know when it’d come to attack me, where to attack. While I was still alive and in good health, I’d better do whatever I wanted and dreamed of.

He was nodding his head sadly and tried his best to smile to cheer me up, even supported me to live my life happily while I can. Thank you Laogong!!!

This morning, my Mom messaged us saying that last night my Aunt’s niece had passed away.

Made by the late's cousin

I was deeply sorry to hear about the sad news and felt very sad. Life is so fragile. Such a young woman with a 5-month baby inside her stomach, had to go together viciously out from this world. Hope she and her baby would be born in a better and happier world than this one.

Sabbe Satta Bhavantu Sukhitatta – Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu and remember人生短短几十年 – Life is short. Live your life to the fullest.

In the Darkness

With an awful feeling

 I cycled alone in a lonely night   

The road led me to sudden darkness 

Only the crescent moonlight 

And opposite lights dimly bright   

The wind blew scattering my untied hair 

It was quiet, 

and dark.   

I bewildered   

Panic stricken me 

Was I the only soul here?   

I turned my head left and right 

Only darkness and trees’ shadow 

With a small dim light in front of my bike   

All at once, 

my mind marveled, 

“Were there other souls waiting in front of me and trying to hurt me?” 

Reminded me of the old uncle found murdered and robbed not long time ago 

I took that thinking swiftly out from my mind   

Be positive… be positive… 

I uttered to myself   

In a while, 

my mind alerted me again… 

It’s seventh month, 

a ghost month… 

I recalled the article I read about massacre in 1942 

Happened nearby the area   

Suddenly 

I felt chill and creepy 

It was wind sound and silent 

Cold sweat ran down my head   

I cycled faster 

Trying hard to ignore my fear 

I put the earpiece back to my ears 

Listening to the beautiful Buddhist’s chant 

Om… mani padme hum… 

Om... mani padme hum...

As I cycled further 

I looked up into the sky 

Trailed the moonlight once again 

Where I found my peace and serenity back 

I started smiling again, 

and let bygones be bygones. 

祝你七夕节快乐!!! Happy Chinese Valentine's Day!!!

Google.com 13th August 2013

When you typed www.google.com today, did your page come out as per above screen shoot? That's what appeared in my mobile.

My Chinese colleague told me that today is their so-called Valentine's Day in China. In Lunar calendar today is the seventh day of seventh month (7月7日) or Double Seventh . There was a legend behind it that you can find in this link.

Here we don't celebrate it as Valentine's Day.  We follow the Western's Valentine's Day which falls on 14th February. But my colleague teased this Chinese guy colleague to buy us chocolates, which he really did!!! Hahaha.... Alamak... Paiseh sia..... :P

I asked him if tonight I go to Chinatown area, do you think I will meet girls with flowers? He said, yes, why not??? Hmm... Maybe I should go and take a look since Chinatown is only one station away from my working place. Anyway, no one dates me tonight though :) Like usual, I feel just like single in this married life, a single with a son Hahaha.... Lolx!!!

Below is our chocolates (for 3 of us) ;) Thank you MS!!!

Valentine's Day present :)

Long lost friend

Yesterday night before sleeping I grabbed my phone and browsed on Facebook. I went to see friend request area. There were couple of friends requests that people requested me to add as his or her friend. Usually when people requested it, if I knew them, I would immediately add them as friend but if the name sounds stranger and no photo to be recognized, I would press 'later'. Then their names would appear in this place. I don't have a habit to just add anyone to be my friend in Facebook. Not necessarily I met the person before but at least I know who they were.

While looking at the list, I deleted those that I didn't know at all. Some was company that tried to promote their product and services. Then I saw another stranger's name. Hmmm... Did I know her?? How did she know me?? Next, I took a look if there were any photos and there were. Eh, familiar la this face... Then I browsed more photos and realized that I knew her!!! I added her immediately.

After a while I thought of writing a message to her asking how she has been. Unexpectedly, she was online. I wrote her a message and we chatted for a while.

She was my junior, 2 years below me during Senior High School's time, who was also my classmate's younger sister. But we got close not because of that.  We went to same temple, listening to Buddha Dhamma almost every Sunday. What made us closer was that we were in the same group of choir there and performed together in few occasions.

Because of this choir activity I managed to know so many friends and we got close easily as we attended other activities together. We practised singing almost every week. Only since I left to Beijing I had to separate with them including her. That was the last time I saw her ba!

Occasionally I would meet other choir friend and she would update me some news. From this friend I found out that she was writing and publishing a story book. She used other name as the author's name so only close people would know that she was the real writer. I had and read her book as given by my friend.

Her book :)

Recently I heard bad news happened to her. I was so sorry and sad to hear the news but at that time I didn't have her contact. That's why yesterday I was so happy and exciting to see her again on Facebook.

Despite what happened, I was pretty sure she would be strong enough to face the impermanence and sudden loss of her loved one. From her sound last night, from her photos and her posts in Facebook, I could tell that she has accepted of what happened and diverted her attention to more other useful things like spreading Dhamma that she has learned. Keep it up, Ok?

In our conversation, she said that just a night ago or that morning she was thinking about me. I said, how come?? Seemed like there were electric current, a sign that both of us would encounter each other. She said, she suddenly remembered that both of us were taking train from Jakarta to Bandung to go for the Vipassana Graha temple's opening. Just two of us. We were so brave at that time. We sat at the staircase where not many people sitting there so we thought we were at exclusive seating area Hahaha....

I was like... thinking hard and asked her back, 'Did we?? How come I couldn't remember that?? Did you remember how we went back?' She replied, 'Yes, we did. But I couldn't remember how we went back.' Hahaha... Then we laughed together.

It's good to hear her laughing. She also said that she just went to Singapore in June. Too bad we were too late to find each other.

We stopped our conversation as it's late and I needed to sleep but agreed to chat more next time.

Wow!!! It's a wonderful feeling being able to find my long lost friend. I hope we would have good karma to meet in person one day.

It's raining and cool morning. It soothes my gloomy mood again. Time to work now. Have a great day everyone!! Remember life is short, live your life to the fullest, always!!!

"If you get there before I do" -Collin Raye

After worked I went out for a while to post a mail to my friend. As I passed by the bridge I heard a familiar song on my ears.  I decided to stand and hear more....

I tried to recall the song but I couldn't. I also tried to recall the lyrics even asked my colleague if she knew by humming the melodies for her to hear. She ended up laughing at me. Hehe...

I didn't give up and finally found the lyrics below:

I read a note my grandma wrote back in 1923

Grandpa kept it in his coat and he showed it once to me

He said, "Boy, you might not understand but a long, long time ago

Grandma’s daddy didn’t like me none but I loved your grandma so"

We had this crazy plan to meet 

and run away together

Get married in the first town we came to and live forever

But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead

I found this letter 

and this is what it said

If you get there before I do, 

don't give up on me

I’ll meet you when my chores are through

I don’t know how long I’ll be 

but I’m not gonna let you down

Darling, wait and see

And between now and then ‘til I see you again

I'll be loving you, love, me

I read those words just hours before my grandma passed away

In the doorway of a church 

where me and grandpa stopped to pray

I know I’d never seen him cry in all my 15 years

But as he said these words to her, 

his eyes filled up with tears

If you get there before I do, 

don't give up on me

I’ll meet you when my chores are through

I don’t know how long I’ll be 

but I’m not gonna let you down

Darling, wait and see

And between now and then ‘til I see you again

I’ll be loving you, love, me

Between now and then ‘til I see you again

I’ll be loving you, love, me

I wished I would have plenty of time that evening to keep standing there and listening to his songs. The music suited my gloomy moods and nice weather, some wind and not much of sunlight.

I walked out after this song. But next time if I saw him again, I would drop a few dollar note and let him sing more. I had already planned to stand behind the walls where he sang and listened to his songs quietly or otherwise I would sit next to the river and let my mind wander....