Negativity

Power of Negativity (IG: @rimareyka.writes)

If you had known me in person before, you would have recognised me as someone who was positive, optimist, full of energy, that kind of person. To the extent that when someone needed positive energy, they would look for me for accompany, for a talk, a chit chat, a confide session, and so on. 

But recently, I experienced different feeling inside me and it was caused (I felt and I thought) by negative force. It infused its power inside me, without I even realised. 

Change Quotes (Pic source: Google.com)

Things had been hectic for the past 3 weeks as we were short of manpower. However, despite the business, I felt we were still good, as the rest of us knew each other well, worked hand in hand to overcome it. 

But the past one week, it had been different. I thought it was because I did not have enough rest, even after having two days off. Then when back to work, the business was back, and we were working like bees, non-stop handling one order to another. 

In the process, I heard and saw things that I thought was usual. But did not know why, even after having more than enough sleep every day (8 to 8.5 hours each night), I still felt tired and lethargic. No, no, it was not Covid, or any other disease. 

I also felt changes inside me. I became swearing more when customers were asking ridiculous requests (such as ordering fish ball noodle without fish ball, or mushroom soup without mushroom kind of example), or when I accidentally forgot turning on the timer and let my food getting burnt, or when I stupidly almost chopped my own hand, and so on. 

A little thing irritated me. A little gesture and body language made me suspicious, and assumed something bad about the person. 

The smile and laughter was suddenly disappeared. I was no longer in the mood of it. Not even wanted to talk.

When I was away, I was asking myself repeatedly, "What happened? What's going on with me? Why I have become like this?"

Many thoughts appeared. I tried to calm myself down over and over again. Still questioning my self, why? 

That night I shared what I encountered and felt to my hubby. And I realised one thing - I was drawn to not only physically body tired (too much things to do at work), but also the negative force and energy that happened to me (mentally).

The goal is (Pic source: Google.com)

I told him before that I needed to be surrounded by nature, like lying on the sand facing the beach under the trees, or hiking at Macritchie (to be surrounded by tall trees and animals). But unfortunately, I had no energy to do so even when I was given two days off. Moreover the weather was killing recently - scorching hot and/ or continued with a heavy rain. I even had a thought of quitting my job as it had limited my ability to do what I loved doing. 

My hubby advised me to fully rest on my next days off instead of going elsewhere. He said that I needed a good immune system to avoid myself from getting sick (covid and many others), and suggested me to just rest, sleep, watch Korean drama, and so on. 

But with only 2 days off in a week, I had many to-do-list to perform and one of them was to share my negativity experience in this blog. 

I was sleepy and tired as I was writing this. Outside the sky was dark and I could hear the thunder sound giving us warning to keep our clothes hung indoors. Today was definitely not the day to hang around the beach nor forest, and inside my house would be the best place to keep myself safe. I reheated delicious food cooked and sent over by my mom, filling myself with love that was cooked inside those dishes. 

I would meditate in a while and replace the negative force with positive energy (even when it was going to rain heavily!)

I would turn on the calming music and let myself sleep into it. 

When I woke up, (hopefully) the rain would stop, so I could go out meeting my friend, have a chit chat, draw more positive energy from surrounding me, and yeah, I would do my best not to let myself succumb and be defeated by negativity. 

If necessary, I would draw a line, and get rid of anything that made me feeling negative. 

The fact that I realised all sorts of feeling I was experiencing, was actually a kind of meditative, because I was feeling mindful when it happened, and I was aware when it existed. But I would love to be meditative too when it comes to getting rid of it. 

I hoped I would resolve this and not to come into my life any time soon. To be honest, I had nothing to lose. I just did not want to lose myself, yet.