The Unknown Land

For once I want to disappear, disappear from history, parts of my life journey in this earth. Where people will no longer remember about my existence or recall that this person was ever exist. It will only be the grey shadow as the name is mentioned.

Being the unknown (Pic source: Google.com)

"Hmm... who?? Which one? Was she part of our community? Hmm... Sorry, I can't recall... I really can't recall..."

So here I am again. The stranger land, place I've never been before. Funnily, it gives me such a familiar feeling, a deja-vu, a feeling as if I was ever coming here before. The bright light, the buzzing sound, the passers-by. A land that never sleeps. People comes and goes, comes and goes... again and again... from different planets, different universe, where the rockets sent them from. They all wear different costumes, different footwears. This must be the place where I'm belong. Where no one knows me, bothers me, cares about my existence.

Alien in wonder land (Pic source: Google.com)

Here my mind is wandering around. Part of it says, stay here and never go back. Another part of it says, move on and find a new place. The Universe is vast. There must be many other places that look just like this. Where no one will bother about your existence. Where you're the Alien of that new place. Where the adventure begins. Where your physical adaptability will be challenged to a higher level.

Finding where you belong (Pic source: Google.com)

"Go buddy!" something whispered in my ears. Yeah!!! If not now, then when?? It's a series of looking and moving forward, live with a purpose, a new height adventure. Although it seems looking blur, but it is bright. The unknown future is awaiting to reveal. Pulling forward one step at a time until the new Universe appears and it starts all over again!

2XU Compression Run 2017

It's been some time since my last blog post. March was filled with lots of books reading (thanks to the opening of the new Sengkang library :P), and morning walks exercise either with friend or alone.

Having fun at MacRitchie Reservoir Park :)

This Wednesday, when I was just about to start my morning walk at MacRitchie Reservoir Park, I received a message from my brother. He was asking me if I was interested to join him to run half-marathon this Sunday. It was free since someone had registered for the run, however, the person could not come to Singapore due to the expensive flight ticket (thanks to the this weekend's Coldplay's concert in Singapore ^^).

Hmmm.... half-marathon. Means, the distance was gonna be 21.1 km. In my life, I'd never tried running that long before. In fact, I knew myself that I could only walk and still manage to hike (although only to certain extent), but definitely not to run. My usual yearly run distance was only 3.5 km. When my friend was asking me to join the 10 km one, I declined almost immediately as I believed that my stamina was not good. I often lost my breath after running for certain distance and easily got tired. My heart would beat too fast until I could not take it. I held that believe since I was very young. So it was quite difficult to break that fear, and barrier that I set upon it into my own self.

I went for cycling in that distance before, but never for running. Even for walking, I was not quite sure. So I was curious how far 21.1 km would be, on foot.

In a crowd before starting :)

My brother was very active in joining this kind of run. He just went for midnight Sundown full marathon last Saturday here in Singapore and finished it in 5 hours and 50 mins. He even went overseas, like to Beijing, Bali, Bandung, etc. to participate in the running events and collected various medals. So I asked him further, if I could not run, and only walk, would I feel shame to be the last one? Haha.... He said, it should be alright as we would be given 4 hours to complete. He then gave me the link of the run for further information.

So last night I went to his house and slept there overnight. The run was scheduled to start at 4.30 am at F1 Pit. I went to bed at 10.30 pm but my brain could not stop thinking about what would happen and what had already happened. Plus the clock's tik-tak sound made me difficult to sleep. Only after doing short period mediation, I was then able to fall asleep (maybe about 30-40 minutes later). And at 3.15 am, I was awoken and got ready.

Three of us took the Uber cab to the nearest stop towards F1 pit and my brother immediately found his friends and colleagues who were also joining. There were so many people lining up towards the Start line and we were the seventh wave in the group and started our run only at 5.22 am.

Became a tourist too :P

Slowly I was separated from my the rest. I ran and walked in my own pace. I realized I learned few things from this run. First, everyone was just doing their best. They ran as they could. It was not really about who was the fastest, but everyone was trying to balance their energy with the distance, the intake (water, sport drink, and banana provided by the organiser), the output (if you chose to visit toilet in the middle of your journey), the strength of their legs, knees, ankles, and so on. Second, fun was definitely a must. I mean, yes we had a goal to achieve, but in order to reach, we should put in some fun and took a necessary rest in between (many stopped for taking photos of the beautiful Singapore sites and keeping the memories with people who they went for the run with).

Quote by Haruki Murakami from 'What I talk about when I talk about running'

Third, the only person you had to defeat in this, was yourself. Because everyone started at different timing, at different wave groups. So you wouldn't know how much they had achieved by the time you saw them. And I guessed it wasn't necessarily important to compete that way, unless you're into a competition that you were aiming to win. Instead, you might want to defeat your own previous record (if you joined such run before), defeat your own barrier that you set upon yourself (just like my own self who only dared to run at 3.5 km distance yearly), and so on.

And when you were in the group, you saw people around you running. You were automatically getting such motivation to run as well. And concentration was required as you had to decide when to continue run and when to just walk while catching your breath. I counted my own pace when walking and running.

The distance should be around 21.1 km :)

Overall, I found that my first experience in half-marathon was pretty good. Thanks to the morning walk exercise that I had during the past few weeks. The breath, the heart beat, the legs works, were in good balance. I finished it in 3 hours and 9 minutes (The photo above was using my phone Apps which might not give a very accurate result. The distance should be around 21.1 km and the timing as I just mentioned). From the 2XU race result, my rank was 3786 out of 6966).

With my sis-in-law and brother. Thank you!!! :)

It was really great experience and thank you for the person who could not attend the run, my brother, and sis-in-law for the opportunity, for the advise given before the run, for answering my doubts and fear before the run started, for accompanying me, and so on. I was glad and never expected to join such run in my whole life, but I finally did. Thank you, thank you, and thank you so much for everything!!!

Glad that I made it! :) Thank you!

Also thank you for the above for listening to our prayers that we had gone through it safely, in good health, great weather (it was almost rain but suddenly stopped), enough energy intake along the way, and the priceless experience and memories in our lives. And the moral support from my beloved one. At least when I died, I knew that I had lived my life to the fullest each and every day, experiencing many things that I wished to do while I was alive. Thank you, thank you, and thank you... May all sentient beings be healthy and happy, free from suffering, and life filled with peace and joy. Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu.

I was once lived in fairy tales

Two lovebirds (Photo source: Google.com)

Hand-in-hand we walked out from the well-known five stars hotel's located in the heart of Singapore city happily. Just like a newly wed couple who went for honeymoon, our faces were shining brightly.

"Where shall we eat tonight?" he asked.

"Hmmm.... let's go to the Esplanade side. There must be some food stalls over there," answered me.

"Any specific food you want to eat tonight?" asked him again.

"Well, any food will taste great as long as you're there beside me," answered me while smiling wide.

"Hahaha.... You ahhh....," he laughed gently while his hand messed my hair.

He was almost two heads taller than me. With height of 1.85m, he was often called 'giraffe' by his fellow friends.

We crossed the road illegally (jaywalking - that's what they called), but no fear, as long he was there beside me.

Bright full moon (Pic source: Google.com)

Once we reached towards the Singapore river side, "Huaaaaa...... see the moon tonight???" exclaimed me with head pointed towards the sky. "It's very very beautiful, isn't it??" I was so exciting looking at it!

We stopped for a while, treasuring the moments just to enjoy the beautiful moon view up there. The reflection could be seen under the water, made it miraculously beautiful!!!

He extended both his arms towards me from behind, hugged me tight, unwanted to let me go. "It's beautiful dear. Just like you." He rested his chin on my head and tighten his hug. I could smell his perfume clearly from his shirts, a strong yet manly kind of smell, my favorite.

"If only the world stops evolving right this second," told me inside my heart.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you too," he replied.

After a while, "Come, let's eat. I start getting hungry now," he said.

"Alright. Me too."

We passed by few makan places and he decided to eat at Asian Thai restaurant. Been away from Asia for few years made him appreciating Asian food more.

"Table for two please," said him to the waiter.

"This way please," replied the waiter while showed us the way towards the two-seat table outdoor. "Is outdoor OK for you Sir?" asked the waiter.

Since it was a cooling night, he agreed to the waiter's suggestion almost immediately. "Yes, it's perfectly fine. Thank you."

He pulled the chair and let me sit gentlemanly. I sat down and he followed. "So? What do your want to order?" asked him. "Hmmm... you decide and we can share our meal," replied me, since he was the one who had the craving towards Asian food. For me, I could get it anytime anywhere here in Singapore.

"One Thai fried rice and one Pad Thai set please," he said his order to the waiter. "And two ice Thai milk tea."

Once the waiter went away, he took my palm that rested on the table. He rubbed it gently and smiled widely with both eyes locked upon my eyes.

Life is colorful and beautiful (Pic source: Google.com)

We didn't utter any words but our hearts were both filled with happiness. It was our meeting after some time. He decided to continue his Master degree in Michigan and made a stopover in Singapore for two nights before flying back there again. He booked a honeymoon package room, at a luxurious five-star hotel, complete with the bath tub filled with rose petals, Champagne and fresh strawberries at the side, with a beautiful Singapore city skyline as the direct view from it. He just wanted to make this moments, the rare meeting moments special, just him and myself.

I took a cab right from my office away in the afternoon taking a half-day leave from work and headed to this hotel right away, still in my one-piece black office wear and laptop bag on my right shoulder. He was already there inside the room by the time I knocked onto the hotel's door.

After entering his room, as the door was closed, he removed my bag from my shoulder and hugged me tight to make sure if I was real. We were then kissing long enough to compensate all the moments we had missed out throughout the long distance and years he went away. And next, we made love on that fluffy king size bed with slow music from the radio at the background. Oh, he even prepared Victoria Secret's nighties for me to wear, the transparent sleeveless dark red top with red colour thong as a set. He said he'd been waiting his life to see me wearing it. Haha...

And when it's over, he popped the Moet and Chandon and poured it into the Champagne glasses prepared beforehand by the hotel's staff.

Clink!!! "Cheers dear!" said him and we raised both glasses and felt the bubbles passing through our throats. Aaahhhhh.... it was cold and fresh as it was kept inside the wine bucket filled with many ice cubes. He then led me to the bath tub inside the white marble giant toilet. It was big enough for both of us. The water was lukewarm, just nice for us to sink ourselves in. He asked me to go in first then his turn. He sat right behind me so that I could see the view clearly.

Hmmmm.... the water smelled nice!!! Roses petals covered the tub all over and the sand soap was filled in too to create more bubbles. It was exactly like what I often saw in the romantic movies. Never thought I would experienced it myself with my loved one.

The end of the fairy tales

"Dear.. dear... the food is here. Let's eat!!" his voice was awaken me. I faster got back to where I was. Smiling, I rubbed his palm back, "Thank you. Thank you dear for loving me," told me and smiled. "Don't mention dear. You deserved it. Love you, so much." "Love you too dear, so so much..." The night was then spent with more love making in the hotel room, expressing our loves, never ending love...

Moving on

Another page was flipped over. New leaf was empty and clear. No single dot of ink seen on it. It's a closure and at the same time, a new beginning. Of what? Not sure yet. Life went on anyway.

"Don't force what's not yet supposed to fit into your life quote"

"There is always a first time," the quote rang on my head. It was not your fault and no one else's fault. It's just a mix and unmatched. At least I tried.

Old memories was difficult to forget I guessed. The memory and familiarity was stuck underneath the skin, been part of the body, soul, and mind. So I wasn't alone. Others felt the same too. It was only normal.

Follow what your heart was saying..... always... :)

Well, I wouldn't waste any more time. I'd follow what my heart saying and really go into it. Maybe that's where I was meant to be.

So baby hold me close to you right now

I'm only waiting for you to teach me how

To laugh and cry to live and die

In your arms tonight

So baby show me how to laugh and cry

The world around us is moving so fast

We've gotta live love and try to make it last

From this moment the colour is red

And what my heart wants is one road ahead.

It was my choice

Rhonda Byrne quote day 365

"You are in the perfect place on your perfect journey. You are right where you are meant to be, because you chose it. In fact, you could not be more perfect than you are now." - Rhonda Byrne day 365

It's just perfectly the right words to boost my spirit up on my first day back to the working life. Like when I looked at it, it was like, I felt that the Universe knew what I was doing everyday and it was always there above me to protect, nurture, motivate, and ensure that things would be alright; that I was exactly at the right direction, where I supposed to be, just because I CHOSE IT. Yes, I chose it...

Something must be forgotten or given up in order to be in this place, unfortunately. But I believed that everything happened only for good reasons, though no one said the journey would be easy, though no one promised the outcome would be good or better, though the path were challenging and rough. Again, it's something I chose over.

We all knew money wasn't everything, not the primary thing to catch in life. It's not that how we wanted to spend our lifetime just to build tower of money that we could see on our olden days. It was still necessary though for us to sustain our day-to-day life, and we had choices on how we wanted to earn it.

We could choose something easier, less stress, but you definitely earned much less. In Singapore, it was tough to find such job. You had to work physically hard (like stand up or moving things around up and down the whole day, do repetitive job and so on), and yet you still earned less. Wanted to earn more, yes you might be able to do so, provided that you worked overtime, which of course in the long run, it would only spoil your health.

Those who earned more would usually face lots of stress at work. It could be caused by the volume of the job (never ending work), the pressure from boss, customers, even public, the limitation of manpower provided as to save cost, the improper planning and collaboration that caused tons of last minute and urgent things, and so on.

There was always pros and contras too on where we chose to work. Those worked at CBD (Central Business District) area, they again would usually earn better, but the cost of meals that they had to fork up everyday, if accumulated, would be back to square one. So some would end up bringing food from home for lunch and eating a pack of economical bread a week plus 3-in-1 coffee to sustain the breakfast. And those who worked at hotel industry, they would usually be quite lucky as the meals were provided. But that also would depend on your luck whether they provided generally good meals or not. There was once where I worked at hotel where they engaged outside catering to cook the staffs' meal but the choices and portions were limited, as they wanted to cut their cost, and I ended up spending most of my breakfast and lunch outside and spending extra money for it.

Confusius quote

After months of taking break and worked in different companies, it was a little bit hard to adjust back to the working life. The nature of your job would make a different too onto the level of happiness that you're expecting to have. Confusius once said, "Choose a job that you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." Unfortunately, this would seldom be reality in our life. Who loves to work at the very first place? Do you??? Haha...

I used to run out from accounting subject during my school time although I knew that there was where my strength lies. During high school, I chose Biology over Economics. During college, I chose Hospitality over Accounts. Just thought my siblings had chosen them enough. I should follow another sister to learn something else. At the end, my strength and introvert personality led me back to accounts job. Oh my... I wouldn't say that it was a wrong choice but only accounts people would know why we hated our jobs sometimes, especially towards month end. They would definitely know.

Again, perhaps I put high expectation with my own self and getting the job done was never enough. It should be 'getting the job done and right, to avoid more jobs to rectify the errors.

So this time, I was given opportunity to work a full time job at area that I was keen to learn. It was something related to what I did before although not entirely. Lots of things to learn all over again. And as month end approached, stay back was unavoidable. Just hope things would get better. I hope...

Deep inside, many times I felt like crying and giving up. But looking at other colleagues who had done the job for months, I admired their soaring high spirits. I really wanted to ask them, what made you this way?? Was it no other choice? Was it out of something you really liked? Or you were just simply workaholic? And I too was asking my self, was I too much pampered in life?? So that a bit hardship making me felt like giving up??? Hahaha...

Well, time would tell. But again, IT WAS MY CHOICE, so I wouldn't easily give up and I'd give my self some time to adjust. Let's see how far I would go... May Buddha bless me all the time... :)