Another stage of parenthood

Happy 18th Birthday (Pic source: Google.com)

"While many of my friends recently entering into their first stage of parenthood (currently busy with their newborn babies), I am myself entering into another phase of motherhood. 

My dear Baobei will turn 18 soon, and these days he has shown tell tale signs of having attraction to a girl, which commonly found in teenagers of his age. 

I might be busy with work these days, but there was no escape for him to keep hiding what was going on in his life. 

Perhaps it was an instinct of a woman and a mother (especially strong in my self) that made me thinking something was off for the past few weeks. 

Two days ago our doubts had come to reality as I saw it with my own eyes (as she too works at the same place), entered  after him into the staff room, with her glowing face and wide smile shining so bright (usually shown by those who was falling in love - the extremely happy face that could not be hidden).

There was a 'winning' and proud sign shown as she looked into me, as if she wanted to tell me that she managed to conquer his heart over mine.

My heart felt a pinch when I saw that both of them were wearing couple sandal. My son with his blue Adidas and white stripes that he bought and wore for quite some time, and she with her white Adidas and blue stripes, still looking new. 

I was just keeping quiet but my heart was shattered as if I have lost in the battle to keep the heart of my loved one.

I immediately sent messages to my hubby to share my findings and he told me that he would talk with him that night, and give him some advise as this sounds to be his first time to be in the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.

After having conversation boy-to-man that night, he finally confessed his feeling. He even mentioned a little more details about the girl that he likes. 

It is not that I do not agree with it or want to stop him from it. But we as parents, just want to give some guidance and advices on what to expect from it. As we all know, in beginning stage, it is usually all about beautiful, flowery, and loving stuffs and world. Hahaha.... (talking from own experience :P)

We had talked with him days before that, but who could stop the heart from falling right??? At least he told us that both of them knew and understood that study is still the priority for both of them. So I hope they both can keep their words and still happily enjoying the relationship moments that they deserve having at this stage of life. 

I felt lost at first, because it had never happened before. In my eyes, he is always my baby, who came out from inside my stomach. I still remember vividly how he cried just after coming out and was brought to my side. My eyes were swelling with tears of happiness as I saw him born healthy and normal. And soon, I have to share him with another girl - his time, love and so on. 

This made me recall the past of how unhappy (or maybe jealous) my father was,  when I was dating with my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend), and spent most of my day and time with him. 

The relationship did not end well. I went through heartbreak moments and took me days to overcome (with so many tears to shed almost every night).

Perhaps at that time, my father was relieved, because after that, that was when I was supposed to get to know with my current hubby here in Singapore. 

Anyway, I never hope Baobei to be in the same situation as I had before, but if anything happens, I hope he would know how to face, accept, overcome, stand tall again, and move on with his life."

The above post was written mid of November. I decided not to post it immediately.

My Baobei just celebrated his 18th Birthday yesterday. In Singapore 18 years means lots of thing.

It is the legal age here to vote, sue or to be sued, open bank account in own name, get a tattoo, buy cigarette or tobacco, buy and drink alcohol in the bar, and so on. 

For me, it is the age when we should allow him to be in relationship. However, we can only wish him to use all the allowance responsibly, and not forgetting what he told us earlier (to prioritise study).

It took me only a while to accept this fact and realisation. I feel much better now.

Like a kite (IG: rimareyka.writes)

"Raising a child is indeed, not an easy journey. Like flying a kite, you must know when to pull and when to let go." - Rimareyka.writes 

Happiest Birthday to dear Baobei. I may not be your best mom, but I will always be your only mom in this lifetime.

For your 18th, I wish you be healthy and happy, live your life well, balance your time well between family, friends, and her, know what you want, reach your dreams, know your limit on how far you can go. Be kind and good to all sentient beings too! May Buddha bless you all the time. 

Love you always and forever.

Your loving parents. 

Way back to follow my passion (Part 4)

Rich at heart (IG: rimareyka.writes)

In 2 days time, it will mark my third month working here. Wow, time flies right? It just goes by in a blink of eye. 

I do not even have much time to update my blog, try whipping new recipe, or engage myself in more reading (at most I can only read a maximum of 2 books a month - that too is only done during my trip to and from work, on my bus ride).

Day off is spent mostly to rest at home, shop grocery at supermarket, window shopping at department store, or have some exercise like morning walk (depending on the weather), and so on.

I try my best to make time to gather with friends and family members too, plus once-a-month family of three eat-out lunch or dinner (I think we need to have this treat as all of us are busy with work and school, so family bonding is much required where we can chit chat and share our love and thoughts towards each other).

With this post, I think I have reached the stage where I have familiarised my work much better compared with my last post. I have conquered the stage where fear dominated most of my feeling. I am into the stage where the confidence level is getting much better despite the speed and skills may not reach the mastery level yet (not sure if the day will come also hahahaha... :P)

But at least, at some area, I dare my own self to give it a go (no more excuses saying that I have not learned or done it before). Because after all, each of us have to do it soon or later. 

I have worked where the staff figures are at the lowest (as many students have gone back to school). One person is forced to do one-man show, juggling multi-task works, finishing one order to another, especially at peak times (lunch and dinner). Manager needs to go around to check if any back up help is required but he or she can not be there all the time. 

Sometimes when the staff figures are more than enough, the Manager also puts you in one-man show. In this scenario, I just tell myself that they just want to train me so that I can work faster and better. Lol.

Whatever it is, Positive energy is very much required. That too not yet including additional request (sometimes ridiculous one) from the guests (when your area is directly serving them). To remind myself to be positive is not enough. I also have to remind myself to be patient. Sometimes, I feel grateful that all of us have to wear mask due to this pandemic. It is indeed very useful to hide our annoyed face behind :D

Never too old to make friends (IG: rimareyka.writes)

With time, the relationship with colleagues are getting better too, especially after they find out that I am my son's mother. Some have even changed their attitudes after knowing that :D

Team work is very much required in this fast paced job. Some colleagues are very friendly, polite and helpful, while some think highly of themselves, rude, and try to act blur. When facing them (to appease myself), I just tell myself that they may not learn well about karma yet in their lives. No matter how strong or skilful you are, one day you will still need help from other people. So, I just treat them the same, not to remember how they treat me, with the hope that they will change their attitude someday. This will do good to them :)

Well, will give you more updates again next time. Hope everyone of you is in good health (both body and mind), and keep your spirit up in positive ways. Jia you!!! :)

Way back to follow my passion (Part 3)

The same result (IG: rimareyka.writes)

It had been more than 16 years since the last time I worked in Food and Beverage company on the operational side (excluding the once-a-year part-time kueh lapis though).

In the beginning, I was not sure if I still had the energy (standing up all the time; long and shift working hours), speed (that was very much needed in a fast-moving operation), and the ability to work with the young and energetic people and environment.

I have the passion and love though, and that what keeps me motivated to get myself ready for each shift to start.

It was just I did not know that all the staffs here (both full and part time) were required to have many different skills as we were expected to work in many different areas each day, and the tasks given were changed all the time in every few hours depending on the demand in the operation side.

It was really not easy to have the skill set for doing each job. But surprisingly, my son did not feel having any difficulties in doing any tasks given. I never heard him complaining except that it was tiring. 

Unlike me.

Overcome fear (IG: rimareyka.writes)

Every time I was given a new task, I was filled myself first with "FEAR". Fear of doing wrong, fear of not doing good enough, fear of being too clumsy, fear of getting complained, fear of not doing fast enough, fear of missing the items or ingredients, fear of the items not looking presentable, and so on.

I had to tell myself over and over not to be afraid. The fear naturally came to me as I had not worked for so long, plus this company served the premium selling items using only premium ingredients, and sold it at a very high price (the Management too, had a high expectation from each of their staffs to do their jobs well and fast).

With fear that appeared first with me on every first task I learned, there were always things I did wrong, too slow, not satisfactory, and so on as I was not used of doing it before. 

Of course they would not expect someone who just worked in that area for few times to compare their abilities with those who had worked there for some time. Yes, they were lenient and understanding. 

But sometimes, even after doing it for several times, there were always comments given by others - e.g. "you cannot do it like this," "cannot put it like that," "this is too small," "it was not done right, do it again," and so on.

Some staffs were good. After telling me where my mistakes were, they taught me on how to make it right. This led me to do things better. It was okay for me for them to tell me my mistake because it meant that they cared. And I had to remember it so that I would not make the same mistake in the future.

Sometimes, it brought other staff with frustration when having me as their partner (I even made them crying for help from the Manager) :D

After all, we are just a human being (IG: rimareyka.writes)

Personally, I too had high expectation from my own self. For example, I believed that "LOVE" was the most important ingredients in the dishes  that I usually prepared. Therefore at work, I wanted to treat every food that I handled, with love, e.g. cutting only the best parts of the leaf (those broken one, yellowish, discolouration, would not be used), handling each part of the ingredients gently (so that it would not break, look ugly, not presentable with finger pressing mark), using both hands to take the food instead of one, etc. And with those things in mind, it made me working slower (plus not long enough practise as I believe in practise makes perfect - or at least, better).

Many times, I put myself on the customer's shoes. "If I were the customer, by queuing for so long to get here and paying so much for the food ordered, I would have such expectation for the good and services received from the company." Therefore, I tried doing my best to deliver the best to them.

And with Internet and social media, people could write review about good things and disappointments easily these days that would affect the company's reputation. Instagram users would also post many of the company's food and beverage items on their accounts. Therefore, food presentation was definitely important.

Both visual (presentation) and non-visual (services rendered by staffs during their dining experience) were equally important and highly demanded by our customers.

Looking at how each full-timer and old part- timer staff worked, it made me wonder if would there be a day when I could reach their standard (of speed, quality, accuracy, and so on).

Be stone sometimes (IG: rimareyka.writes)

As for now, I could only say that my day-to-day working experience was like a rollercoaster ride - full of ups and downs. Sometimes good, sometimes not good.

Not all was bad though. Sometimes I worked well too and was even praised when doing good job. 

Some nights I could not sleep thinking of what had happened before or would happen at working place and all those forced me to remind myself to always put myself back to the present moment (as what happened, had already happened, I could not go back to the past to undo those mistakes. And what would happen, hadn't happened yet, so why should I worry about it??)

I could only tell myself to do the best each day. If my ability was not up to it, let them decide on it. We were given probation time before they confirmed us to be their staffs. So by then, just keep doing and practising, making it better. Whatever the results would be, que sera sera....

Way back to follow my passion (Part 2)

Quote by Steve Jobs (Pic source: Google.com)

I have an independent teenager son at home. Once he reached legal age to work (in Singapore - 16 years old), he immediately found a part time job on his own and started working during his school holiday to earn some extra income. He applied the job and went to interview all by himself (not even his friend accompanied him). 

He prefers working at restaurant (F&B related business) as some establishment provide meal to their employee and some gives huge discount for purchasing the meal there (as part of employee benefits).

With the money that he earns, he is able to purchase all things that he wants and to eat all his favorite meals with his friends, without asking us (the parents) any single cent. Even when we give him, he often rejects it as he says that he has enough money on his bank account. Thank you Baobei for being such an understanding and growing up son. We are very proud of you on this matter. 

He joined this current company last year during school holiday. He still works even when school has started (with a much lesser hours to clock in). When he just started, he often shared with us about new things that he had learnt.

I happened bumping into the company's website one day and read about the referral incentives (when new staff is able to work there, the current staff who introduce the new staff will be given incentives as the company has saved the effort to get new staff on their part - be it advertisement fee, agent fee, and so on). With that, I casually told my son to check with his superior if they were still hiring for part-time staff. 

I found out from the Manager later on, on how my son checked this with him (after I started the job). Initially, my son told him that his friend wanted to work. After some time (when I became more serious about it), my son told him that his Aunty wanted to work (hahaha..... perhaps he was testing if the company was going to employ elderly staff into the company because majority of the part-time staffs there were students). And later on, when I got impatient because no news received after so long, he then confessed to his Manager that actually it was his Mom who wanted to work. Hahaha....

It took him some time to digest this, I guessed, as which teenager would want to work at the same place with his mother or father? I mean, his colleagues' parents might be someone who work in office, bank, school, hospital etc., but not here. In addition, he might not be able to imagine what his colleagues said when they found out that his mother working together there. That was what I thought considering to put him on my shoes.

Nevertheless, he still got me the application form, let me fill it up, and submitted it to his Manager. After some time, the GM asked me to come for an interview. He might want to see for himself how suitable me for joining the workforce there (as I mentioned, most of the staffs there were youngsters in their teenagers, 20s, or 30s; not included the Managers though).

So, as per agreed timing, I went there for the interview. It went well. Soon they sent me for orientation and training for hygiene - refreshment course - as I attended the basic course many years ago.

And as for today, I managed to complete one month working there. Will share with you more about what I felt during my work there. To be continued :)

Way back to follow my passion (Part 1)

Singapore - In times of Covid-19

It has been 1.5 months since the last time I posted my blog post. Covid-19 is still around all over the world, including here in Singapore. Travelling abroad for leisure purposes is still not possible yet. Until when? Nobody knows.

Due to this pandemic many people have lost their jobs. Many shops and food stalls are seen closing down for good. Travel agents do not open for business for more than half a year now. Many hotels are quiet like ghost-infected buildings.  My heart is very sad when passing by those places.

Fortunately things still go well with my family members; all are in good health (thank Buddha), and at least everyone still holds their jobs safely.

3 Hobbies you need (Pic source: Google.com)

My days were filled with so much unproductive things, mostly at home. I had watched over 15 series of mostly Korean dramas (with an average of 16 episodes per each series) and 50 over movies for the period of five and a half months. Crazy, weren't I? 

Cooking and trying to whip up new dishes were other activities I loved doing for my family at home. Walking, cycling, and hiking once in a while were done to keep myself fit, active, and healthy.

Cycling in the evening and watching sunset (Punggol Waterway - Singapore)

The future of Covid-free life is still far unknown. At least, it is controlled well with less cases within the community. 

Being tired of spending time unproductively, I thought of doing something - that according to my passion, and at the same time, could earn some income. Anyway, I can not travel to anywhere until at least next year when vaccine has been found and given to most people all around the world.

To find the real job is kinda challenging at this point of time, although Singaporean and PR would be given priorities to the job vacancy. And for company that hire them, it would be given the subsidy of their employees' monthly salary by the Singapore government.

"For eligible employees under the age of 40, the subsidy will be 20% of the monthly salary of those employees for 6 months, capped at S$6,000 in aggregate. For eligible employees who are 40 and over, the subsidy will be 40% of the monthly salary of those employees for 6 months, capped at S$12,000 in aggregate."

(Source: https://www.singaporebudget.gov.sg/ - May 28, 2020)

Office job will be less tired physically, but can give lots of stress mentally. Higher pay or not will depend on the type of job because these days, many company try to cut their labor cost as much as they can by employing lesser staffs. Therefore, 1 person may have to do 2 or more people's job (bad times or less business quantity will be the usual reasons given).

Usually office workers will get their days off on weekends. However, after staying at home for some time, I realize that weekends are never good times to go out as too many people will also be going to the same places - to shop, exercise, dine, etc. I will rather stay at home and have a peaceful days off during weekdays.

Power of passion (Pic source: Google.com)

I wanted to find something that I like doing (my passion) at this period of time. I had been through few types of jobs before and I knew well what I liked doing and what I did not like. Of course, there were many pros and contras regarding the thing that I wanted to do.

Physical job would be more tiring but depending on the nature of the job. I preferred doing a low-rank job where I would use my brain only when I work, but not after working time is over - no need to headache to plan about tomorrow, next week, and so on.

Full time job would give me less freedom (Monday to Friday or Saturday job is quite dull, wasn't it?) There were more crowd too during office hours - when taking public transport and having lunch.

Part time job would give me more freedom (as I could choose which day I want to work, which day I want to rest), although the pay that I might get would be much lesser (price for freedom).

And most importantly, when you do something according to your passion, you will not feel that you do it as a job or is solely done painstakingly only to earn money. Of course at the end of the day, money is still the motivator or the drive for getting the job. It is just how our mind set it in separately. 

When working with money as the main motivator, no matter how horrible the job is, people will stay put at the job only because the money is rewarding or attractive enough (even when the job scopes are suck, colleagues are crap, and workload is crazy). 

However, life is too short to be filled with unhappy things in life. And I want to do something I love doing this time.

Therefore, one day, I finally decided to do the part time job, and it is where my son works.

The post to be continued :)