This post is just a thought of mine, based on what I observed and encountered during my 3-week trip in Bhutan. So, I might be wrong with my judgement or opinion here. Please pardon or correct me if you think it is not right. It's just there in my mind that suddenly I want to write about things that young Bhutanese couple (those in their late 20s and beginning of 30s, both in relationship and married) face in today's environment.
I noticed that those couple (either in relationship or married), who both worked and highly educated (at least with a diploma or degree), were often staying separately (in different city or village, or even country), due to their work or to pursue their study. They might have different type of work to do, e.g. one is civil servant, while the partner is teacher, etc.
Those who were in relationship, when asked, they were often unsure about getting married with their partner as they still have many dreams not yet realized yet, such as pursuing Master degree (which they usually aim for overseas study), to work few more years to gain more experience, to earn more money so that they can purchase a car or have more stable income, etc.
Those who were married, and even had children, were also often trapped in this kind of situation where the husband and/or wife went overseas to pursue their study (Bachelor or Master degree), and they had to put their children under the husband or wife's parents. I felt a bit disheartening to know this as usually children, at that age (usually very young, below 5), needed parents' love and care so much. Now they had to live on their own, together with their grandparents.
At first, I thought, "Wow, Bhutanese people are so great!! They know and practice about impermanence more than anyone else in the other part of the world. They are also able to face this kind of separation in their lives, like nothing big ever happened into their life, just like, it's very common for them to have this kind of life."
Seriously, for loving couple, if you were separated for a day, you would feel like you were separated for a week, don't you? If you were separated for a week, you would feel like a month. And if you were separated for a year, what would you feel? Do you still feel for anything between both of you?
Usually those who pursue the Master degree would require at least one or two years. For those who study for three years and more (those married couple with a child or children), I really don't know how you can face it in your daily life. Wow!! I really take my hats off to all of you!!
Even if they don't pursue their study, when they work in Bhutan, they were usually be located into specific area based on the government's requirement (for those work as civil servant). Again, husband and wife, sometimes children too, would have to live separately.
But I have also encountered those families who chose to stay together as families (husband, wife and children) whenever and wherever the husband (who works as civil servant) was allocated by the government to certain area. For this kind of case, usually the wife works as housewife only. Even if they get bored at home, they still can do other kind of job, such as weaving kira and gho at their home, making home made jam or pickles, etc.
I don't know how many percentage of these type of families compared with those high educated one. Definitely it brought different kind of life and happiness to both families. I could feel the warmth feeling for those who chose to stay together.
But in today's environment, I think more educated people chose to work and live independently. A bit sad ba? What family means if you don't stay together? Yes, you can argue that you do all this for family's sake. But happiness does not derive from how much money you earn, how big your house is, how many car you have, how high post you hold, and all this wants will never end. Even you have house and car, your wants may increase to have your own business, this and that.
No matter what or which way you choose, at the end of the day, when we leave this world one day, we won't bring anything with us to our graves. What remains will only be memory. How much happiness you brought in your loved ones' lives, your families (including parents), and it will not always related to money matter. A family picnic, playing football with your son, recreation with your wife and daughter will be priceless and remain in their mind forever.
I noticed that those couple (either in relationship or married), who both worked and highly educated (at least with a diploma or degree), were often staying separately (in different city or village, or even country), due to their work or to pursue their study. They might have different type of work to do, e.g. one is civil servant, while the partner is teacher, etc.
Those who were in relationship, when asked, they were often unsure about getting married with their partner as they still have many dreams not yet realized yet, such as pursuing Master degree (which they usually aim for overseas study), to work few more years to gain more experience, to earn more money so that they can purchase a car or have more stable income, etc.
Those who were married, and even had children, were also often trapped in this kind of situation where the husband and/or wife went overseas to pursue their study (Bachelor or Master degree), and they had to put their children under the husband or wife's parents. I felt a bit disheartening to know this as usually children, at that age (usually very young, below 5), needed parents' love and care so much. Now they had to live on their own, together with their grandparents.
At first, I thought, "Wow, Bhutanese people are so great!! They know and practice about impermanence more than anyone else in the other part of the world. They are also able to face this kind of separation in their lives, like nothing big ever happened into their life, just like, it's very common for them to have this kind of life."
Seriously, for loving couple, if you were separated for a day, you would feel like you were separated for a week, don't you? If you were separated for a week, you would feel like a month. And if you were separated for a year, what would you feel? Do you still feel for anything between both of you?
Usually those who pursue the Master degree would require at least one or two years. For those who study for three years and more (those married couple with a child or children), I really don't know how you can face it in your daily life. Wow!! I really take my hats off to all of you!!
Even if they don't pursue their study, when they work in Bhutan, they were usually be located into specific area based on the government's requirement (for those work as civil servant). Again, husband and wife, sometimes children too, would have to live separately.
But I have also encountered those families who chose to stay together as families (husband, wife and children) whenever and wherever the husband (who works as civil servant) was allocated by the government to certain area. For this kind of case, usually the wife works as housewife only. Even if they get bored at home, they still can do other kind of job, such as weaving kira and gho at their home, making home made jam or pickles, etc.
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| Kedar and his families |
But in today's environment, I think more educated people chose to work and live independently. A bit sad ba? What family means if you don't stay together? Yes, you can argue that you do all this for family's sake. But happiness does not derive from how much money you earn, how big your house is, how many car you have, how high post you hold, and all this wants will never end. Even you have house and car, your wants may increase to have your own business, this and that.
No matter what or which way you choose, at the end of the day, when we leave this world one day, we won't bring anything with us to our graves. What remains will only be memory. How much happiness you brought in your loved ones' lives, your families (including parents), and it will not always related to money matter. A family picnic, playing football with your son, recreation with your wife and daughter will be priceless and remain in their mind forever.
13 comments:
I really second you on your observation. Nice post. I think ur visit to Bhutan this time really awakened you on bhutanese lifestyle. Keep blogging n inspiring usm
Yes Riku. I've seen and learnt many things there during my short trip there. Stay tune for more hehehe...
valid point ma'am; maybe because the trend is already set and the this generation people are only following what their parents did!..:)
Thank you for your comment Tshewang. But I still find that this kind of lifestyle is not what they actually wish to have for in their life. It must be devastating to be separated with your spouse and children for such a long period of time.
Civil servants are also relocated every few years once. Why weren't they allowed to choose where they wanted to settle down and work there permanently instead of moving around all the time.
Yes Passu, it's indeed a sad reality that young Bhutanese have to face in their lives. But they are all growing and mature adults. They should have thought and planned properly before making such a hard decision. Just hope that they can cope with the situation well and not coming back with break up plan.
Nice observation. Indeed this situation is sometimes torturing the heart of many, because in Bhutan even 3 hours journey is a long distance as you might have noticed. However people have to resort to this type of living for one reason or the other. Hope you enjoyed the stay in Bhutan, seeing the environment and lifestyles, meeting the bloggers. cheers
She left her job so that we could stay together...lIke you are saying, staying together is happy ba!... :)
Sorry Passu, I just realized that your comment had been accidentally deleted by me. I just found it out. Not that I purposely deleted.... :(
Thank you for your comment Leoparsica. Hope you won't be one of them hehehe.... I enjoyed my stay in Bhutan very much :)
In deed a good observation. You know human desire is unlimited. They want anything. but don't know why particularly Bhutanese but guess other may also same.
Thank you for reading and your comment Jigme. Definitely it happens to others too but for example for people in Singapore, we are not necessary to study abroad as we can take part time Diploma/ Bachelor/ Master within our country and while working and staying with gf/bf and families. Our country is small too that won't require us to travel more than 3 hours. More importantly we value love and family on top of other matters ba. But again, it depends on individual too.
Who was 'she' that you referred to Sogyel? Your girl friend???
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