The Day I Lost My Wallet

Pic source: keepinspiring.me

It was a good morning. My hubby and I were happily going to the shopping center where he was working. We were going to have our breakfast there before he started his work. 

I brought my wallet to the stall and ordered my food but I paid the meal using my mobile. I took my tray and headed to our table. We shared our meal as my stomach was not feeling very well even after few days I had my gastric. 

We headed to the market downstairs then upstairs to search for the mop set that had broken days ago but to no avail. I continued shopping at NTUC buying some nutrition rich food which I wanted to cook later to improve my immunity level. 

When it was time to pay, I took out my wallet from my black canvas bag. Hey wait, where was my wallet??? It was a long, square and big wallet, in black. It was big, but how come I could not find it everywhere???

Pic source: keepinspiring.me

I immediately called my husband to settle the payment and once he came, I ran off straight back to the seat where we were seating earlier. I asked the nearest stall staff if she was aware that someone found my wallet. She told me someone did find my wallet and asked me to check with the stall that selling drinks. 

A glimpse of hope was there. At least my wallet was dropped there and someone was aware and found it. 

I ran to the drink stall and asked the staff there. She pointed me to the person in charge of clearing table and that person referred me to another man in charge. 

That man then brought me outside the food court and pointed me to the office located just next to it. I knocked my door and the security staff opened it. 

"Yes, we have your wallet. What is your name?" he asked. I told him my name. It must be the only wallet they found in the day. He opened it up and asked me to check if I lost anything inside. He had just recorded the content of the items and separate the notes based on its denomination in each row.

To be frank, I did not really know how much money was inside my wallet. But when I purchased my wallet just before Chinese New Year came, I put in a lucky number amount of money inside as it was believed to bring luck and attract wealth to come. If I was not wrong, I put S$288 separately at one side and another side was the amount of money I usually used on daily basis. 

I had just withdrawn S$200 yesterday and used up only 1 $50 note. So supposedly there should be 3 pieces more. But when the security handed me my wallet, it was only 2 pieces of $50 note, about 6 pieces of $10 note, and many $2 note. 

In an instant, my brain calculated the loss of around $300 cash. 

Then I checked all my cards inside. ID, all my bank cards (ATM and credit cards), were all inside. Well, I thought it was good enough. I told the security that I lost about $300 but he told me whatever he recorded earlier was based on what he received from the food court staff and the only camera that could show evidence was the one where we were standing inside the office. 

I was asking if there was a camera record from inside the food court I visited earlier and he said that I had to ask the food court side to show me as it was separate places and they did not have it. 

I was too happy to find my wallet back despite losing around $300 cash inside. There were 3 foreign notes inside my wallet and it was left there too. I was relieved enough to see one of the notes because I just went to the money changer yesterday to exchange that currency. And that 1 piece of foreign note was equivalent to 30 pieces of S$50 notes. It was as much as my entire saving for my past 1.5 months working my sweat and muscles. 

And yes, at that moment, I was still feeling ecstatic, calm, and extremely grateful because I could have lost much more than this, and the trouble would have been more if I lost all the entire things. 

Pic source: keepinspiring.me

For that person who took the money, I wished him or her well, hope he or she can benefit from that amount of money taken. It must be desperate for the person to keep that money and risk their own reputation of stealing it. There might be better ways to earn that amount of money but situation was not bright these days with the increase of living cost in Singapore and some people might lose their jobs due to the pandemic.

Overall, I was still feeling very grateful and this calm and peace of mind was resulting from letting go moments. I was ready to lose it since I had lost that entire wallet at the very first place. To be able to get a sight of it with all the things inside had already been a miracle for me. So thank you, thank you, and thank you SB for today. It reminded me to be more careful next time, to be more alert with my belonging. Hope I learned the lesson and would check my belonging wherever I was and before leaving the places.

May all sentient beings be happy and healthy, free from suffering and the cause of suffering, life full of peace and joy. Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu.

Growing Old

"Change that no one can avoid."

"When working, I felt as strong as a bull. I could ignore the pain on my right elbow, as my hand kept moving up and down when getting the takeaway bowls, heavy plates and bowls from the top shelf or carrying trays loaded with stuffs; also the ache from both legs, as I had to stand up most days. But before and after slept, the pain started striking my whole body like a nightmare."

I continued confided to my hubby while chewing my fried rice, "The good things about having SLE though, was that, all those pains that I got, were completely temporary in existence. Meaning, once I got myself active, the pain would be gone."

"Dear, I think it was not because of you having SLE. But it was because we are getting old now," he replied calmly. 

As someone who used his physical strength a lot on his job, he understood the situation fully, as he too was experiencing the same. Not completely same though. His suffering was much much much more than mine. Every night he kept the pain himself. He used to stick the join pain patches on his body but getting fed up as it did not help much in easing his pain. 

Few years ago, I went to Hong Kong with mom, visiting my sister and holidaying together. Every night my Mom had to paste the patches on her legs, especially on her knees, as she felt pain after walking a lot throughout the days. Our room smelt spicy, really smelt of "old people smell". And that was too, one of the reasons why my hubby stopped pasting those stuffs into his body. 

Pic source: Google.com

Back to when I was entering secondary school, my Mom started her 40s, and that time, we already regarded her under category of 'mature adults, a.k.a. old people.' And now we had both reached that age!!!

I started feeling old when white hair started appearing on my head. It was visible when I looked myself into the mirror, around few months ago. It was not only 1 or 2, but more like 4 or 5 now??? It was irritating that I decided to pluck them off. But after few months, it appeared again. Haiz... I guess I would just have to accept the fact that I was getting old. 

But comparing myself with some others who were much younger than me, they grew older much earlier than me. Their white hair was not just few strands, but almost half of the head. Well, that might be due to genetic factor too.

I could not stand a day without afternoon nap either. Especially after lunch. A quick power nap would help me a lot during my working days. 

I realised that stress level, lifestyle, food intake, amount of exercise and sun exposure were playing big parts on our aging level process. And it differs from one person to another. 

Many times I felt of giving up my current job, because my body seemed could not catch up with it. Not about the speed, but the tiredness. Many nights, just hour before the shift ended, I felt the battery in my body was flat to almost 0. Haha.... 

No taking dinner was one of the causes, as we did not have time to get dinner during work. Over working was actually the main reason. The level of staffs employed have now reduced and it forced me to sometimes doing 2 roles at the same time, making me running here and there to ensure both sides were doing properly and in right order. 

But when work was over, I felt grateful that I was still having the ability and strength to work at this job. 

I remembered a conversation with hubby and sister-in-law talking about the doctors we attended to were majority young, mostly in their 30s. Hahaha.... In the past, when we consulted doctors, we considered majority of them as 'old'. So I guessed, the world had turned around. Lol!!!

Losing weight had become major problem with me too!!! Twenty years ago, I could easily lose 3-4 kg. Now, even after reducing snacks, sugary drinks and rice, or sometimes even skipping dinner, the one kilo that I managed to reduce, would easily bounce back and add another 2 kg in return after a dinner and drink event. Hahaha..... I did not know if I should be happy or sad, but I guessed I had to accept the change as part of growing old. 

"It is just getting old, not the end of life."

Perhaps I had spent two-third of my life and leave with another one-third. While I was still alive and kicking, I still had the urge to make my dreams coming true. Not to be successful, not to be rich, but to be happy with simple way of living, plus fulfilling my travelling dreams - backpacking - to countries I had in my head. 

It was just 40s, and not the end of the world yet. The more we should treasure the remaining of our life days, filling it with happiness and laughter despite misery changes with our physical body. 

My parents are in their 70s now. I could not imagine how they could maintain their physical body up to now. Really salute them in taking care their own wellbeing. 

Anyway, just keep moving forward, until the day I breath my last breathe. Fill mind with positivity, that everything is going to be alright. That everything will go accordingly, leaving nature to take its course. Let it be, let it be....

Negativity

Power of Negativity (IG: @rimareyka.writes)

If you had known me in person before, you would have recognised me as someone who was positive, optimist, full of energy, that kind of person. To the extent that when someone needed positive energy, they would look for me for accompany, for a talk, a chit chat, a confide session, and so on. 

But recently, I experienced different feeling inside me and it was caused (I felt and I thought) by negative force. It infused its power inside me, without I even realised. 

Change Quotes (Pic source: Google.com)

Things had been hectic for the past 3 weeks as we were short of manpower. However, despite the business, I felt we were still good, as the rest of us knew each other well, worked hand in hand to overcome it. 

But the past one week, it had been different. I thought it was because I did not have enough rest, even after having two days off. Then when back to work, the business was back, and we were working like bees, non-stop handling one order to another. 

In the process, I heard and saw things that I thought was usual. But did not know why, even after having more than enough sleep every day (8 to 8.5 hours each night), I still felt tired and lethargic. No, no, it was not Covid, or any other disease. 

I also felt changes inside me. I became swearing more when customers were asking ridiculous requests (such as ordering fish ball noodle without fish ball, or mushroom soup without mushroom kind of example), or when I accidentally forgot turning on the timer and let my food getting burnt, or when I stupidly almost chopped my own hand, and so on. 

A little thing irritated me. A little gesture and body language made me suspicious, and assumed something bad about the person. 

The smile and laughter was suddenly disappeared. I was no longer in the mood of it. Not even wanted to talk.

When I was away, I was asking myself repeatedly, "What happened? What's going on with me? Why I have become like this?"

Many thoughts appeared. I tried to calm myself down over and over again. Still questioning my self, why? 

That night I shared what I encountered and felt to my hubby. And I realised one thing - I was drawn to not only physically body tired (too much things to do at work), but also the negative force and energy that happened to me (mentally).

The goal is (Pic source: Google.com)

I told him before that I needed to be surrounded by nature, like lying on the sand facing the beach under the trees, or hiking at Macritchie (to be surrounded by tall trees and animals). But unfortunately, I had no energy to do so even when I was given two days off. Moreover the weather was killing recently - scorching hot and/ or continued with a heavy rain. I even had a thought of quitting my job as it had limited my ability to do what I loved doing. 

My hubby advised me to fully rest on my next days off instead of going elsewhere. He said that I needed a good immune system to avoid myself from getting sick (covid and many others), and suggested me to just rest, sleep, watch Korean drama, and so on. 

But with only 2 days off in a week, I had many to-do-list to perform and one of them was to share my negativity experience in this blog. 

I was sleepy and tired as I was writing this. Outside the sky was dark and I could hear the thunder sound giving us warning to keep our clothes hung indoors. Today was definitely not the day to hang around the beach nor forest, and inside my house would be the best place to keep myself safe. I reheated delicious food cooked and sent over by my mom, filling myself with love that was cooked inside those dishes. 

I would meditate in a while and replace the negative force with positive energy (even when it was going to rain heavily!)

I would turn on the calming music and let myself sleep into it. 

When I woke up, (hopefully) the rain would stop, so I could go out meeting my friend, have a chit chat, draw more positive energy from surrounding me, and yeah, I would do my best not to let myself succumb and be defeated by negativity. 

If necessary, I would draw a line, and get rid of anything that made me feeling negative. 

The fact that I realised all sorts of feeling I was experiencing, was actually a kind of meditative, because I was feeling mindful when it happened, and I was aware when it existed. But I would love to be meditative too when it comes to getting rid of it. 

I hoped I would resolve this and not to come into my life any time soon. To be honest, I had nothing to lose. I just did not want to lose myself, yet. 

Cuts and bruises

Please, go away (IG: rimareyka.writes)

 

In our everyday life, it is not always rainbow and butterfly. It is full of ups and downs. Some days it is filled with happiness, but some days, it is simply misery, hurt, deep wounds that you do not intend to reveal, or even share with anyone around you. 

Unlike those visible cuts and wounds that oozes blood, this is kept within, dug, and buried way inside, with a big hope to disappear over time. 

Sometimes if we know someone is experiencing it, we try to talk with him or her, so that it can ease their feelings. But it may not something that the person willing to share. 

In that case, let them feel the grief, let them feel the sorrow. But do not let them fall and succumb to it for a long period of time. 

Distract them with things that make them smile, and even laugh, with other beauty things in life that they may forget temporarily. Show them hope, show them that what they feel is just temporary, because nothing will last, be it good, and bad. 

Just like those wounds I got when I perform my job. What left is just scars, but over time, it will fade and disappear. Just give it time, give it time, and be brave enough to accept the reality and pain that I have to go through. We will all make it. Yeah, I am sure, we will all make it. 

March Muse

March inspiration (Pic source: Google.com)

We do not know when March came, suddenly we are here in the midst of it. Can not believe how we have walked this long, this far, and we are already here. 

Time flies like no body business. We are aging every single day. Some feels weak with their bodies, some feels weak with their memory. Nothing lasts. 

Things change all the time. People come and go in our lives like a dream, be it nightmare or beautiful one.

We are forced by situation sometimes, not intentionally taking things for granted. We feel grateful as much as we can with the blessed good health, good food, and everything else that happens in our lives. 

Not everything we want happens. Sometimes we can choose, but many times, we just cannot and just walk with the flow. 

Day goes one day at a time. Sleeping, waking up, doing our work, eating, resting, going home, and starting it all over again. Every day it happens something like that and varies when it was days off.

We never know what tomorrow like. What number comes up, how high or low or fast the rates change, and it is purely on our luck, whether we will get it or we will not. 

Just leave behind that attachment and expectation, then everything will be alright.

That is life so far. Where it leads to? When changes will happen? It is all question marks. Let nature take its course.

Just remember to always enjoy what you are doing, love your company at all time, your loved ones especially, as there is no guarantee how long more we can meet with each other. And be good, be very good if you can. So, that is for now. Hope thing goes well, I really hope so.