Ego...

I used to believe I was such a selfish people (think mostly about myself only and have a high level of ego) and even accepted myself for being one. I still remembered telling my potential husband about my weakness when we tried to describe of who we were, before getting into further relationship.

Love me the way I am. Take it or leave it (Pic source: Google.com)

It's perhaps because I was born as the youngest in the family, where everyone else had grown up, I didn't and still lived in a comfortable and protected shell of my parent's love.

It's perhaps because I'd been staying at other people's countries for years especially during my adolescent period that compelled me to equip myself with a very high level of independent trait and defending measures against anything that came into my life (be it good or bad), high degree of freedom (where to go, what to do, with who), high level of adaptive traits (as I had to move out every six months, to pack and unpack, to stay at different places, flats, rooms, cities, villages), and so on.

So it was really no doubt that I even adapted some human traits and characteristics from where I lived during that period of time. And having a high level of ego and being selfish were simply inevitable.

Ego quote (Pic source: Google.com)

But this ego of mine, changed over time. Perhaps with my return to Asia countries, with a settling down process being home again, the ego was slowly melted by the heat of the sun rays, although it wasn't completely gone. Sometimes, it stick with me, following me. Haizzzz.... 

Recently I was allured by my own ego, a very big business indeed, at least for me. To follow my ego, desire, to choose over something, above everyone else thought and plight. Because of it, it gave trouble to others. Their love, their protected nature, all was pointed to me. But I insisted otherwise at the first place.

No matter what, my heart couldn't accept it. My heart couldn't stand see them suffer. My heart couldn't accept happiness over other people's suffering. So what if I chose it? What if I won it over? It wouldn't give true happiness for everyone. Couldn't even call that happiness at the first place. It'd be just the proud ego laughed enormously from the above, over my stupidity, my selfishness, my betrayal towards what my heart was saying.

What we need to do is to skip the e and let it go (Pic source: Google.com)

And again, I was glad that I overcame it. I chose middle way instead, something good for all of us, considering other's needs, capability, and most importantly, their joy and happiness. I was very sorry to try to win my ego eagerly, and created confuse feeling and trouble, at the very first place.

Hey ego, please stay far away from me. I still had a long way to go to live with them. You must have been tired too for working so much in most of my life's journey. You could take a good rest now and just sit there, enjoy your time alone, be free from me. Let me follow my heart with base of love towards others. Tub? ;)